Resident Evil evicted, Cardinal cop soars
Netflix’s Riverdale reboots Archie and the gang for today’s teens, writes Chris Lackner.
Big releases on Jan. 27: Resident Evil: The Final Chapter; A Dog’s Purpose Big picture: Alice is still battling the dastardly Umbrella Corporation (I predict a big-reveal ending where we meet CEO Mary Poppins), so Milla Jovovich is still earning a paycheque. (Frankly, it’s nice to see some stability in a world that just got Trumped.) The battle-hardened Alice returns to ground zero (the appropriately named Raccoon City) of the apocalyptic viral outbreak that created zombies, mutations and varied Sauron army knock-offs.
Alice has had to blow such vile creatures to smithereens — or slice to them to pieces — since the 2002 franchise debut. Watching a Resident Evil film is like a lazy man’s experience of playing the video games that inspired them. As for the plot, Alice occasionally stops killing and running to say things like, “Is that all you got? Because if it is, I’m going to have to kill you.” She also does a lot of reckless, cool things on a motorcycle. One week ago it was Vin Diesel revving his two-wheeler in xXx, and now Milla?
Motorcycles are clearly the hip mode of transportation at the moment! (Vroom!!! Vroom!!! That sound you can hear? That’s our prime minister doing wheelies on Parliament Hill immediately after reading this. Hurry, he’s waiting for your smartphone cameras!)
Meanwhile, A Dog’s Purpose proves that all dogs don’t go to heaven; they get reincarnated again and again as canines to make new best friends. It’s like Lassie meets Benji meets Cloud Atlas. As the lead doggie do-over explains: “If I can get you licking and loving, I have my purpose.” (Make a mental note: Never repeat that quote out loud in public.) The inner dialogue is voiced by Josh Gad as varied pet owners are taught the meaning of life, and the meaning behind chasing a Frisbee. Dennis Quaid plays a craggy, sour-faced dude who meets his reincarnated childhood puppy. Yup. Woof. Woof. This family-friendly flick is based on the bestselling novel by W. Bruce Cameron. Forecast: A Dog’s Purpose will inspire imitators. I’m hoping for A Sloth’s Purpose in which a sloth is reincarnated many times to make it down the same tree branch. But is it the Cujo lover in me that would have preferred a horror movie called Resident Evil: A Dog’s Purpose?
TV
Big events: Cardinal (Jan. 25, CTV); Riverdale (Jan. 27, Netflix Canada) Big picture: A Canadian miniseries, based on Giles Blunt’s popular novels, Cardinal gives a whole new meaning to cold case. Set in a frigid northern Ontario town, it all starts with the grisly discovery of a 13-year-old girl. Cardinal stars Billy Campbell (The Killing) as your prototype dysfunctional detective haunted by dark issues, secrets and an unsolved case. Can he hunt a vicious serial killer from his past while making up for the mistakes that stalled his career, and deal with an untrustworthy new partner? Will he ever take off his parka? Sooooooo many mysteries to unravel.
Meanwhile, the CW teenage drama Riverdale (available in Canada on Netflix one episode per week) reinvents the Archie (K.J. Apa) you know and love. This subversive take on the 75-year-old comic is Dawson’s Creek meets Twin Peaks meets Bates Motel meets CW’s usual merry — and occasionally murderous — band of hormonal teens. Betty, Veronica and Jughead are all here, too. And Archie is having way more sex than he ever did in those millions of comic panels. The best part of this series is the presence of Luke Perry (Beverly Hills 90210’s Dylan McKay!!!) as Archie’s dad. It’s perfect casting. After Dylan’s BrendaKelly love triangle, who better than Perry to coach his son on the perils of not being able to choose between a blond and brunette? Forecast: Riverdale will continue the healthy flow of TV comic adaptations. As for Cardinal, Hollywood loves a copycat. I am already penning my novel, Chickadee, about a veteran cop with shady secrets and “serious” issues named Jack Chickadee. (See you in court, Giles).
MUSIC
Big releases on Jan. 27: Japandroids (Near To The Wild Heart Of Life); Train (a girl a bottle a boat)
Big picture: Not only are the Japandroids one of Canada’s best bands, but the Vancouver duo sound like something that should be waging war — and winning — against Michael Bay’s dreaded ( by me) Transformers. On its third full-length, the band releases its long-awaited sequel to 2012 breakthrough Celebration Rock. Deftly combining punk and classic rock elements, the Japandroids are reason to get patriotic. Meanwhile, San Francisco’s Train arrives on time with an album title clearly crafted during a lacklustre game of Scrabble. Debut single Play that Song borrows heavily from the classic tune Heart and Soul. Guess this group still beg “to be adored.”
Forecast: Japandroids will win over more hearts and minds. We’ll let Resident Evil’s Alice worry about the souls.
Honourable mention: Bell Biv DeVoe (Three Stripes =). After a 15year break, this ’90s R&B group attempts another comeback. This time with nonsense equations! Sorry to bring them up; and I apologize in advance for the song Poison being stuck on repeat in your brain. “It’s driving me out of my mind / That’s why it’s hard for me to find / Can’t get it outta my head …” Good luck.