Free fuel? Are we feeling a bit desperate?
Ottawa, buddy, you can do better
Look Ottawa, we’ve gotta talk.
I know, I know. I get it. We’ve all been there. Maybe it’s the cute new classmate you’re really into, or the cool co-worker you want to be friends with. Maybe it’s that interview for your dream job.
You just want to impress someone. You want to show them you’re cool or smart or cute or good enough. Maybe if you try, they’ll see it.
So you try. Then you try harder. Then, well, you try just way too hard.
That’s what happened with this gas giveaway, buddy. Did you really think buying gas for a bunch of Montrealers would make them like you? Did you think it would be impressive? Didn’t you realize it smacked of desperation?
Again, I understand. Montreal is a pretty cool city, and you’re throwing this big party for Canada 150. Maybe if a few Montrealers came, maybe some of that Montreal coolness would rub off on you.
It’s great to be invited to sit at the cool table, but it’s better when the cool kids decide to sit at your table … well, unless they’re only there because you give them your dessert.
It’s rather sad, actually, and everyone is noticing. Everyone else can see you trying to buy some friends, worried that no one will come to the Ottawa 2017 party.
Stop it. This isn’t you. You don’t need to do this.
We’ve been hanging around for, what, four decades now? We’ve done a lot of fun and interesting stuff together, and I’ve gotten to know you pretty well. I know what you have to offer. I know that you don’t have worry about 2017. People are going to come.
I’m your friend; I’m not going to lie to you. Yes, people like to tease you, saying there’s nothing fun here, but they don’t know what they’re talking about.
Sure, sure, you need to do some promotion, I get that. If you’re having a party, you need to send out some invitations. But, come on, you’ve got advertising. You’ve got your fancy logo. If you need some innovative marketing campaigns, go for it, but could there be anything more pedestrian than buying random people some gas?
Trying this hard to be liked is just going to turn people off. So, be confident. Believe in yourself. If you walk tall and walk proud, people will be drawn to you.
If you grovel, trying to buy affection, you’ll be living down to every snide remark made about you.
James Dean, Steve McQueen and Miles Davis never worried about being seen as cool. They just had it going on and people were drawn to them.
And though no one wants to admit it, you’ve got it going on, too. There is so much cool stuff to do in 2017, you can just sit back while people come to you.
This isn’t a town of nothing but bureaucrats and politicians. This is a city of artists, musicians, writers and activists. This is a city that lives and thrives.
You’ve got Crashed Ice next month. The Junos are coming. We’ve got the Grey Cup in the fall. And don’t forget about Canada Day.
Yes, Canada Day. Remember? Every year, thousands upon thousands of people descend on downtown for the country’s biggest party. Even in rainy years. Even in years that aren’t a multiple of 10. It’s a helluva time.
Throughout the year — every year — we can go to major events such as Bluesfest or Winterlude. If we’re looking for something less mainstream, we can check out Arboretum Festival or House of PainT. We can catch a worldclass performance at the NAC, or hit up House of Targ for some pinball and perogies.
Don’t worry, Ottawa, there’s a ton of reasons for people to come here. There’ll be lots to do and lots of fun to be had in 2017.
When it comes down to it, 2018 is the year you’re going to have worry about. A national sesquicentennial hangover is nothing to scoff at. Everyone will be relegated to their canoe, nursing national headaches and patriotic indiscretions. We’ll turn the lights low, and chill out with some Gordon Lightfoot and maple syrup.
So brace yourself, Ottawa. 2017 is going to be a rager. It’ll be Animal House, but with more curling and better manners. Anyone who can’t see that is already a lost cause.
No matter how much gas money you spot them.