Better to avoid all the drama
Q My close friend “A,” her livein girlfriend “B,” and a former male roommate are all in their early 20s.
When the two women started dating, A — who I’ve known since Grade 9 — asked the guy to move out.
Her new love broke up with her girlfriend to move in. Meanwhile, the former male roommate started to Skype with B’s ex. He ended up moving in with the ex for a while, enraging B.
My friend is trying to maintain her friendship with him, but her partner won’t forgive him for dating her ex.
Now he’s about to celebrate his birthday, and he’s rented a party bus to pick up his friends. He didn’t invite A and B.
I told my old friend I was going to party with him and she became very angry with me.
She said I shouldn’t go somewhere the “abusive” ex is also invited. I didn’t know about abuse, I thought there was just resentment about “cheating ” and the messy breakup.
My friend doesn’t want me to go. I’m very angry.
I really want to go. I need a night out. I want to dress up and feel sexy and have fun.
I also want to be there for the birthday boy. However, I don’t want to choose sides.
I thought we were too old for this high school drama. — Still in Drama
A It sure sounds like high school drama! But there are several relationships interconnecting here, which isn’t uncommon, even among adults. And that can stir up a lot of emotions.
Since your main interest is your long-standing close friendship, the drama can stop with you.
There are other ways to destress and have fun without risking an important relationship. Besides, stirring this mess may cause you greater stress. Go out with other friends. Or do something else.
Q I have three younger brothers, ages 60 to 69. Our parents are deceased.
My husband and I invited the three brothers, all single, to dinner. A verbal attack occurred toward the youngest brother for mentioning the word religion as soon as we sat down.
The middle brother then made abusive and bullying comments toward the younger brother, while raising past wrongs.
They all went on while my husband sat in shock.
The youngest brother left immediately after dinner, having apologized to both of us. The others didn’t apologize. — How Best To Handle?
A Contact all three brothers and say you’d prefer to maintain a family connection, but you and your husband won’t accept the disrespect they showed in your home.
Meet them separately, if and when you’re ready to see them again.
Q I’m a member of the resident council that’s a go-between for tenants and the property manager.
I’m the secretary. The former secretary was the girlfriend of the president. They broke up and she left.
I’m frustrated with the council. The president (a friend) isn’t assertive and doesn’t take the initiative to get things done. — Need Organizing Advice
A Keep using your own initiative. Volunteers like you are valuable and needed.
Show leadership by putting up a notice asking tenants about ongoing issues that need to be addressed.
Talk to the property manager about these issues, do some research, and raise discussion about the most pressing problems at the next meeting.
Once you bring more energy to the meetings, others will follow your lead.