FIND WAYS TO REKINDLE LOVE’S SPARK

Q

My boyfriend of one year and I have amazing memories together. He makes me laugh, he’s a good person and he’s very intelligent. We agree our relationship isn’t the same as it was at the start because we’re past the “fairy-tale” stage, which is understandable. But I feel that although we love each other, we’re now in the relationship to just love, without further meaning. I want to continue it, but it’s boring. I’ve asked his opinion and he says our love may not be “butterfly-like” as in the beginning, but it’s still there. Now I have anxiety that I don’t want to be the girl who gets dumped, and wasn’t aware he was at a standstill. I’d rather find a solution to save me the embarrassment. I still love him dearly, but I’m so lost.

— Bored or Scared?

A

It doesn’t make sense to break up with someone you love and who loves you. That’s an anxiety you seem to have created, and it may be a pattern with you when relationships become truly boring and they’re going stale.

There’s a difference between being passionate and thinking that if there are no “fairy-tale” feelings, love is meaningless.

Not so. Love is sometimes fiery, sometimes calm. It can be profound but also quiet, at times deeply moving.

You two may need some occasional new excitement — a spring getaway to shake off the winter, a new activity like an outdoor sport to share.

But running from an imagined future breakup sounds more like you lacking self-confidence than being bored with someone you love and who loves you.