The summer of our dissing content
Are North American parents raising a generation of screen junkies?
School’s out and screens are in. Welcome to scream time. How many times have you heard, “Just five more minutes!” Digital haggling and policing is a nightmare — and the lazy days of media meltdowns have just begun.
Screen time is an inescapable reality, and like it or not, technology is your new co-parent, a powerful and stimulating rival that’s a lot more fun than you are. No one can deny the plethora of benefits that come with being connected, but there’s a downside too. A little bit of junk is fine — a whole lot of low nutrition is bad for you, whether food or content.
“Parents today are dealing with a challenge that no other generation has faced. None of us were prepared to deal with the intense pull and highly addictive nature of what the online world has to offer,” says parent coach Susan Stiffelman. “We have to help them make use of the digital world, without being swallowed whole by it.”
It appears we’re feebly raising a generation of web junkies controlled by Facebook, Yahoo, Google and a litany of gaming and app companies, but instead of yelling at our kids to unplug, you need to understand their digital cravings.
“Online games are highly arousing and stimulating — it’s a dopamine bath, bathing our brains in this feel-good neurotransmitter. Unplugging ends that.” The real world, in contrast, is incredibly boring, says Stiffelman, of Susanstiffelman.com and host of workshops entitled Steering Clear of Screen Time Struggles.
According to Dr. Catherine Steiner-Adair, a therapist and research associate in the department of psychiatry at Harvard, many fast-paced video games makes kids feel excited, empowered — like gambling for adults — and when they come off that game they feel regulated, agitated and grumpy, just like anybody does coming off of a powerful stimulant.
So we need to be the gatekeepers and regulate use for their own well-being, drawing up expectations and collaborating on contracts.
Define what daily role screen time plays — “you need to figure out right amount of screen time versus play time off screens, camping time, family time, reading books time, and unstructured time,” says Steiner-Adair, author of The Big Disconnect: Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the Digital Age (HarperCollins, 2013).
While educational apps can help kids sharpen developing brains and hone other skills, high-intensity games keep kids engaged so much that they can lose their motivation to be creative on their own.
“Minecraft can be a great game, but they need to play with Lego,” she says.
“For children to develop their full intellectual, creative, innovative brain pathways, they need to play in the three-dimensional real world.”
Parents need to come across as an ally. Avoid heated negotiations. “Acknowledge their desire for a few more minutes, but be clear and decisive; don’t fan the flames of their frustration by engaging in angry negotiations,” says Stiffelman.
She suggests visiting HealthyChildren.org/MediaUsePlan to create a personalized family agreement that works within your family’s values and busy lifestyles.
Studies show being distracted on your device and distracting kids with devices can result in a weakening of good family connections and “that’s the last thing any of us want,” adds Steiner-Adair.
Don’t be fooled by fake educational games. Check out Commonsensemedia.org for age-appropriate games and app suggestions.