Take ownership of your life

Q Should I still look for my

father’s approval? I emigrated here several years ago. I struggled with finding a job related to my profession back home. I was ready to start from scratch and work my way up as I did before.

Coming with young children, it was very hard to pass the language barrier and also be the best mom, the best worker and return to school.

My father didn’t understand why I was stuck in a job unrelated to my university education — which he’d paid by working two jobs. I did apply for school twice, but all the doors were closed.

I just kept working hard at the current job, having satisfaction from doing my best. It pays the bills and allowed me to buy my first house.

My mother understood, but not my father. She wanted to help us so I could go to school, but she had serious health problems. My mother-in-law offered to be with the children but, having some issues in my marriage, I considered it not the best help at the time.

Should I still try to convince my father that he’s wrong to be upset with me? Wanting Approval

A It’s your life, not your father’s. You’ve been far more successful than either of you acknowledge.

Your education didn’t go to waste. It helped give you the inner confidence, determination, and foresight to make choices that have worked well for you and your family.

You can still thank your father for his financial help toward making you a determined but resilient person who could adapt to a new environment. Take ownership for your life. His approval no longer matters. Your own accomplishments, plus those of your children (be open to their adaptations, too), are the results of your creating a meaningful life in your adopted country.

Live it with pride.