NAFTA negotiators should protect our poutine
Come for our lumber, but stay away from this dish, writes David Martin.
According to recent news reports, the fine folks of Boston have not only appropriated Canada’s national dish of fries covered with cheese curds and gravy, they’ve bastardized the concept of poutine beyond belief. The burghers of Boston have reportedly added such things as chili, spaghetti and baked potato to what is, or should be, a simple and inviolable recipe.
Well I, for one, don’t intend to accept these culinary abominations, especially when the likes of Donald Trump are threatening to end the North American Free Trade Agreement and are slapping unjustified duties on our softwood lumber exports. It’s one thing to attack our lumber industry; it’s quite another to denigrate one of our most cherished traditions. What’s next, maple syrup on kale?
All this to say that I am in the process of filing a trade complaint under NAFTA. I recognize that Americans have adopted and destroyed all manner of national dishes from pizza to tacos to just about everything Chinese. But as Harry Truman might have said, the burrito stops here.
First up, I’m preparing an intellectual property action to be decided by a binational panel. I doubt that any Canadian has patent protection for poutine but I’m fairly certain that we have a strong case both for trademark infringement and copyright violations. Poutine is not just a word used to describe a national dish. It also qualifies as a geographical indication of origin. Much like the French prohibit the use of the word “Champagne” for non-qualified sparkling wines and the Scots won’t allow whiskey of non-Scottish origin to be labelled Scotch, it’s time to ensure “poutine” emanates only from Canada.
At the very least, poutine should be recognized as a certification mark. In that case, a Canadian authority could license the use of the mark but only under strict standards prescribing the proper ingredients and preparation methods. Presumably, additions like spaghetti, fried eggs or, heaven forbid, Tater tots wouldn’t be allowed.
I’m not saying that Bostonians or Angelenos or New Yorkers can’t come up with all manner of unsavoury dishes that include fries, curds and/or gravy but, if they do, they can’t call it poutine. Poutine is fries, curds and gravy, period — unless, of course, you countenance a poutine doughnut, which we clearly do not.
Maybe America’s current president is right; maybe NAFTA is unfair, not to Americans but to us Canadians. After all, we’ve tolerated their culinary incursions and godawful creations like American cheese and putting a tea bag in a cup of warm water.
So, yes, let’s turf NAFTA and get back to good old unfair duties, tariff battles and out-andout trade wars. We’ll swallow that, but watch out for the pound of flesh we’ll extract if they don’t lay off our sacred poutine.