Focus on the positive instead of downer Dad

Q My dad used to yell, insult and berate my mom, two siblings and me for hours. I’m now 15. He doesn’t want anything to do with us, nor us with him.

After work, he lives in his bedroom, where there’s a fridge and a TV. He doesn’t speak to any of us.

My mom cannot afford to live in the house without him. I cannot escape because I’m too young. We have no other family in this country.

I have no access to a therapist, none of my friends know about this (I’m too embarrassed). I confronted him once but he doesn’t listen to us, shifts blame, etc. No Escape

The fact that you’ve endured this situation for so long is testimony to your inner strength. Your family has been, and is still, suffering from your father’s emotional abuse, hostility and isolation.

I urge you to seek community/ school supports wherever possible. If there’s any move toward his being physically abusive, you must report him to police for the sake of everyone in the house.

Emotional abuse is also wrong and harmful.

Call KidsHelp Phone in Canada (1-800-668-6868), which is confidential and anonymous with experienced staff (and websites).

Tell your story and ask for any resources that can make home life easier for you and your siblings. Also, talk to a trusted teacher, ask for confidentiality, and whether there’s a social worker or other counsellors in your school system.

If you have access to a family doctor, that may be another way to get referral to a therapist.

Meanwhile, focus on school and any special interests — science, art, music, advanced studies, etc. Putting energy there will be your passport to a better life when you’re able to be on your own.

I’m expecting that readers will also weigh in with suggestions.