Child’s safety comes first

Q One of my daughter’s closest friends — age 10 — lives close by. They play together after school and on weekends often. I prefer they play at our house so I can keep an eye on them. This friend is sweet, friendly and thoughtful.

My daughter wants to spend time at the other house but I’m hesitant.

Both families have small townhouses. My daughter’s friends also have two large dogs — they only had one dog last year.

At a birthday party, the dog got out of its crate and bit a child. He had to be put down.

The girls came to our house to finish the party. The parents never called about the dog bite nor thanked me.

I told my daughter she couldn’t go to their house anymore if they get new dogs, explaining that large dogs aren’t meant to be in crates and sometimes don’t do well in small houses.

She’s sad about this. Am I wrong to want to protect her?

Also, the house smells of smoke. I’m told that the grandmother smokes inside. I don’t agree with their home situation but don’t feel I have a right to say anything. If I do, what if the girls can’t be friends anymore? Protective Mom

A You (and your daughter’s father) are her protectors.

You like the other girl, but safety issues come first. The other family has a right to their dogs unless there are more incidents. There’s nothing you can say besides that you won’t let your daughter be at risk.

The smoke issue is also a personal choice for them and for you. Second-hand tobacco smoke, especially in small surroundings, has been found to be particularly dangerous to infants and children. It’s your choice to reduce that risk as well.

These won’t be the only areas in which you, as parents, have to take a stand with your daughter over matters you find unhealthy, dangerous, problematic, or inappropriate.

She needs clear explanations that don’t demean her friend or that family. Stay warm and welcoming to the girl to encourage their friendship.