Stop the cheating — or end the relationship
Q I’m 28, in a relationship for seven months ( best friends for 10 years). We’ve talked about moving in next year, kids and marriage.
However, a couple of months ago, I saw on his phone that he was looking online for bi-experimentation.
While he never went through with it, it shocked me based on situations in my past re: cheating and lying.
He’s since been seeing a sex therapist, because he has a much-lower libido than me, and to sort out his issues regarding sex.
His ex-girlfriend had put him down for wanting to try certain things with her, so he’s always been afraid.
With me, he worried that due to his lower sex drive, he wasn’t pleasing me.
When I discovered his emails, I went crazy, feeling hurt and lost. That week, I started an affair. It’s still on.
I feel like crap sometimes because I’m so opposed to cheating. But I’m almost relieved that I could have this side, and this me time.
I feel badly because he’s working hard on himself, devoted to me and our future.
I love him and want to spend my life with him.
I just don’t know why I don’t feel bad enough to end this affair.
Confused and Cheating
A You’re not ready to plan a future, not with someone you feel no guilt about betraying.
Sure, he was the first to err ... through online curiosity, NOT cheating. Now he’s addressing his sexual issues for you, while you have it off with someone else.
You’ve walked blithely into an affair, like you’re owed it because of past hurts. Never mind the man you claim to love.
Get to your own counselling, fast. Drop the affair and come clean with your guy.
If you can’t do that, break up. You’ve both experienced a personal crisis. He’s working through his, you’ve opted for deceitful self-indulgence.
Since your past experiences have numbed you against being an honest partner to his efforts, you need “me-time” for professional therapy.