Grandmother owes family an apology

Q I purchased an iPad for my autistic non-speaking grandson over two years ago, along with the augmented speaking program that’s helped many severely autistic children communicate.

I went with my daughter-inlaw to his community program and they designed a program around the iPad, but the agency then suddenly shut down.

My grandson was shifted to a new half-day program, with afternoons in kindergarten.

As an interested grandmother, I called the program and school to find out how he was doing and learned that neither knew he had an iPad.

Once his parents learned that I’d contacted the school, they stopped speaking to me. I realize now that I should’ve let them know I wanted to contact his program and school. I’m working on how to apologize.

I empathize with my son and daughter-in-law and the experience they have been through, and will continue with for years ahead. But I think they’re holding my grandson back by keeping him out of community programs that could benefit him.

They seem to withhold protein and water for up to two hours before a meal, believing this’ll enable him to eat.

I even shared my concerns by phone with local child welfare authorities but they didn’t seem concerned as long as he was involved in programs “in the community” and attending school. I’ve considered seeking a court access order so that I could see my grandson. He’s a sweet boy who seems to enjoy my company, but I know that’ll likely sever ties permanently.

His welfare must come first, and I feel I must act now. But is there any way to rekindle or save the relationship with my son and his wife?

Wanting A Relationship

A You went too far. I believe you should apologize to them now, not later. Your description of your son and daughter-in-law shows they’re not negligent parents.

They’re trying to do what they think is helpful to him, even if they may’ve decided on some theories with which you disagree and could benefit from others.

But you — acting on your own — compromised your earlier chance to have them listen to you. It’s a shame, because you do care so much yourself and have been researching and learning important ways to work with severely autistic children.