Relationship with son worth the effort

Q My son’s wife is 10 years his

senior and divorced once. I tried hard not to be against his decision, expecting that she’d be mature, appreciative, and more involved with marriage and family life. To the contrary, her controlling nature makes me want to put distance between my son and I though we used to be very close. For his sake, I know I should try to accept her, but it’s much easier for me not to see her. What should I do? Concerned/Sad Father

A So long as your son remains open to a relationship with you, do not give up that bond. He’s still your son, but he’s an adult who was free to choose. Perhaps he likes her independence and her decisiveness. Being of a different generation from you, he may be comfortable with her attitudes toward less family traditions and togetherness than you would’ve preferred.

But if there’s still regard and respect between you and your son, find new ways to be close. Perhaps meet for lunch occasionally, just you two. Maybe you could discuss his work more, or the books he’s reading or watch a sports event together.

When in your daughter-inlaw’s company, ask about her work and her other interests.

You need to know her as she is, and also be respectful of their relationship. That’s what your son expects from you. Your rapport with him will only improve if you can overcome your doubts and critical attitude. It’s worth the effort.