Overly friendly husband can still be trusted

Q My husband travels overseas often, for work and training. Co-workers from around the world also attend these training

courses. After several arguments, I’ve made peace with the fact that he becomes friends very easily with these men and women.

However, I’m uncomfortable regarding one female colleague. She has a history of cheating on her partner. One of her flings was with a co-worker whom my husband also knows. She and my husband often message each other on Facebook and WhatsApp. They share what, in my opinion, are intimate details of their lives.

This was the focal point of one of our arguments, as I didn’t want my details shared with a stranger. She has a track record. Though my husband gives me no reason to distrust him, I’d like my feelings at the forefront of how he interacts with her.

Am I out of line to suggest that he keep the relationship strictly professional, for my sake and peace of mind? Uncomfortable Wife

A It’s the woman whom you distrust, not your husband. That’s the message you can convey, so long as you don’t suggest that he’s too weak to resist her.

Soften your approach. Explain that, for a wife who can’t attend these overseas get-togethers with all their casual camaraderie, the thought of a proven fling-seeking woman who’s already his friend is unnerving. Add, too, that you worry that she’s already too interested in details of his marital relationship with you.

Don’t question his professionalism. Stay with what you feel: You love him and don’t want to worry when he’s away.

If you two are still arguing about this after that conversation, and he doesn’t adequately reassure you, there’s more distrust about this than you admit.

Q I recently had unprotected oral sex with someone who’s very sexually active. I went to a clinic and was told I might have chlamydia. They’re still running my test.

I didn’t have unprotected sex. I also know through hours of research that most STDs are curable. However, I can’t get past the fear that I might have HIV even though it’s a very low incidence through oral sex. Very Upset

A Though you didn’t have unprotected intercourse, you did have unprotected oral sex, and that carries risks of contracting other STDs, not just chlamydia. Using a condom or other method can reduce the risk.

However, chlamydia, if that’s what the test proves, can be cured with the right medicine.

If you’re worried, get to a sexual health clinic or specialist to ask whether there’s any risk of getting HIV and how you can be tested and, if necessary, treated.