Pride a factor in this problem with premature ejaculation
Q My boyfriend of 18 months and I have a great relationship except regarding sex. I’m 27 and he’s 30.
Our sex problem has to do with intercourse. The minute he gets near me, he’s finished. He can’t keep an erection past even a minute of intercourse.
I know it’s called premature ejaculation, but when I try to discuss it with him, he goes silent, says it’s not a problem or says I’m too tense (I’m not).
He’s a great guy who loves me and takes care of me in every other way. But he won’t see a doctor, won’t acknowledge that it’s his problem and always insists that it’s mine. What do I do?
Bad Sex
A Your boyfriend’s problem is as much about his stubborn pride as his premature ejaculation (PE).
It’s understandable that he feels awkward about it, but it’s unacceptable that he refuses to see a doctor or to try ways to improve your intimacy together.
Some facts, from the Urology Care Foundation website: “In the U.S., about one in three men ages 18 to 59 have problems with PE. It’s often thought to be psychological, but biology may also play a role ...
“Though the exact cause of PE is unknown, serotonin, a natural substance made by nerves, may be involved.
“High amounts of serotonin in the brain increase the time until ejaculation. Low amounts can shorten the time and lead to PE.
“Mental health issues can also be involved, such as temporary depression, stress, guilt, unrealistic expectations about sexual performance, a history of sexual repression, and relationship problems.”
Unfortunately, your problem is that he won’t talk about it. And that’s already distancing you.
If he persists in ignoring the problem and tries to blame you, this relationship’s also premature. It won’t last.
Q I was happily married for more than 35 years. Then my husband and soulmate had a heart attack.
I joined a dating site — not looking for love, just a new gentleman friend with no strings attached.
I just want good, stimulating conversation, a man to go to dinner with or go sightseeing. Am I being unreasonable?
Widow Wants Male Company A There’s nothing unreasonable here — just high standards shared by countless other widows, divorcees and mature, independent singles.
It’s a question of luck with some dating-app skill required.
Study profiles and then hone your own to describe yourself and say what you want in an honest, friendly way.
Be selective. “Widows” sometimes attract fortune hunters. If you’re interested in someone, meet early, in a public place (not your home) and tell someone close to call and check in with you.
Ellie’s tip of the day
If a couple can’t discuss their sex problem, they’re unlikely to stay together.