Situation calls for some compassion

Q When my wife and I were dating, I introduced her to wine as a gentle accompaniment to being together talking or having a meal. Ever since we married nine years ago, a bottle of wine has accompanied dinner at our home. Lately, I’ve noticed more empty bottles in our recycle bin; she’s become short-tempered in recent months and frequently says she’s “too tired” for intimacy. She collapses into bed after our two boys (ages seven and five) go to sleep. My wife worked full time before we had children, stayed home with them for several years, then started a part-time job from home this year. I’m worried that she might be drinking alone at home in the day and getting addicted to alcohol.

Suspicious Signs

A As a parent and husband, it’s natural to be concerned when your wife’s alcohol intake may’ve become problematic. But this is a situation for compassion as much as concern. If you’re correct that she’s drinking a lot in the day, something’s triggered that change. It may be that her home-based job’s less satisfying than her earlier work. Or her fatigue could be health-related — a useful starting point for suggesting she see a doctor about her decreased energy. Or, there’s a different psychological or emotional factor to be explored. If it does become apparent that alcohol’s affecting her behaviour with you and the children, she still needs your compassion in getting her to acknowledge possible alcohol abuse disorder. Seeing an addiction counsellor can be helpful for both of you. There are also family-support programs and addiction helplines in your community that can be found online.

Q Our two sons, ages 10 and nine, are always fighting at home. It’s so nerve-racking I end up yelling at them to stop, then issuing harsh consequences that make them angrier, blaming each other. They’ll even run behind me and kick at each other while I’m trying to keep them apart. I sometimes end up exhausted and crying, only to later find them laughing at some silly TV show together. What am I doing wrong in raising my boys?

Fed Up

A Boys AND girls need their energy regulated between activities, snacks and quiet time.

Keep them active, as much as they (and you) can handle, with school-based sports, music, local teams and activities. Have healthy snacks available right after school. At home, encourage creativity with age-appropriate art supplies, building projects and drawing. If they can’t handle creativity in the same room, separate them and have each help you with making dinner (simple tasks).

Avoid over-relying on technology devices with rousing games to occupy them.

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