A PRE-NUP FOR THE PUP
Don’t let a beloved pet be a pawn in an ugly breakup
Under the dispassionate eye of divorce law, dogs are considered “chattels” — unlike children, the court won’t decide where it is in their best interests to live postsplit — they are simply treated as shared goods.
But, as a raft of recent celebrity breakups has shown, it’s no good packing up the terrier along with the laptop and the back copies of Wired. While a Marie Kondo-style decluttering of possessions may be welcome, almost nobody wants to say goodbye to their beloved pets. Mad Men actress Christina Hendricks recently split with her husband, actor Geoffrey Arend. They released a charmingly optimistic joint statement: “We will always be grateful for the love we’ve shared, and will always work together to raise our two beautiful dogs.”
It’s a lovely thought but there’s generally only one person putting on a coat at 10 p.m. and heading into a howling gale to supervise pre-bed wee-wees — and that’s the one who gets the residency order. The ex might get the occasional visit for a cuddle, but they’re not going to have to be up at 4 a.m. with a vomiting cat. Nor are they going to benefit from the sheer joy of living with pets, absorbing the adoring comfort of dogs who know you’re sad, or the admirable indifference of an aging cat who wants to sleep on your head.
When I split up with my ex in 2014, I got custody of our two rickety old cats, and — while the intervening years have not been kind (one died, and the other is so old he lists like a galleon in a storm when he stands up) — their presence has been a delight. My current partner and I now share a spaniel, and I can’t imagine the agonizing tug of love, should we split (hence, we can’t).
In the first flush of love, when it’s too soon to commit to a baby, many couples opt for a puppy instead — often overlooking the fact that dogs can live for about 14 years, longer than many ill-fated marriages.
Equally committed to their rainbow family of multiple canines are Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux.
When they broke up last year, there was talk of shared custody of their four dogs, but, with Aniston in L.A. and Theroux in New York, regular Sunday visits proved impossible. However, when Dolly (living with Aniston) died recently, the couple “reunited to mourn,” with Justin posting a picture of them together at the dog ’s funeral.
Not everyone is so amicable — which is why some couples even demand pre-nups for pets.
Jennifer Curtis, a partner at Maguire Family Law, says: “We’re seeing a growing number of divorce cases where people are arguing over the future of their pets. A third of pet owners think animals should be treated the same as children when it comes to breakups, but the law doesn’t agree.”
A pet pre-nup is a wise move, she advises. “It deals with common issues like ownership; and arrangements for future care of the pet, providing certainty in case the parties separate.”
But while A-listers like Johnny Depp and Amber Heard were able to work out who got custody of Pistol (dog, rather than gun) thanks to their legal teams, those of us with less cash are left to work it out between ourselves.
“Dogs are very connected with humans,” says Sue McCabe, dog behaviourist at Muttamorphosis. “They read our emotions and understand if we’re stressed. If the person who is leaving the family home is their primary carer, it can be very upsetting. Like us, they grieve and will feel depressed.”
This potential guilt-bomb can be defused.
“Pet parents should try to come to an agreement where both partners still see the dog and have an ongoing relationship, so their emotional needs are still met,” she says.
And just as divorcing adults are urged to be amicable for the sake of the children, McCabe adds: “Whatever the circumstances, I would urge people to be mindful of the dog, and avoid shouting. Make sure the dog is kept busy and try to do something every day that makes them happy.”