Middle ground must be found

Q My live-in partner of five years and I get along, and mostly share the same interests and opinions. Her older son and daughter live on their own. My two daughters, newly at an out-of-town university, are home only sporadically. We’ve discussed marriage, but my partner despises my daughters and the feelings are reciprocated.

My partner can be tyrannical about a clean house with everything in its place. My daughters are more relaxed about household chores. No matter who I agree with, I’m accused of favouritism. Setting boundaries doesn’t work. I’m afraid that once we’re married, my daughters or my future wife may opt out of family functions. Can I make anyone happy?

Man in the Middle

A Get out of the middle. These are your daughters. Address the situation with your partner as equal adults with reasonable expectations of these students.

They should be expected to make beds they’ve slept in, to wash dishes they’ve used and leave outdoor shoes at the front door. If your partner’s fixated on this, include the cost of an occasional cleaner for the day after your daughters visit.

These young women need to know that you love them, and that you also love your partner. There’s no favouritism, just the natural need for everyone to be civil and respectful to each other. Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. ellie@thestar.ca

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