Check in on elderly grandma
Q My grandparents, in their 80s, have until now been in great health. Two Christmases ago they came to sleep over and spend the day with the family. After we visited, everyone decided to take a walk. My grandparents were tired and opted for a nap. When we returned, they had already left.
We called. Grandma said she wasn’t feeling well. This has happened at every family gathering since. If we plan to visit them, they call at the last minute to say she isn’t feeling well. We were worried about her health and her memory, and asked her to see her doctor. According to the doctor, she’s in perfect health with no signs of memory loss.
My mother recently had cancer and chemotherapy, and my grandparents never asked about her. When we express concern, they get angry and tell us to mind our own business. I miss my grandparents so much. Worried and Confused Granddaughter
A Your family members are reacting from their own hurt feelings. But your grandparents, in their 80s, are likely dealing with increased frailties and fears, especially concerning your grandmother.
Considering what the doctor said, it’s now up to senior members of your family to go to your grandparents’ home and insist on knowing what’s going on with their energies, memories and any serious conditions.
Q I was close friends with a woman for years, but could no longer handle her competitive self-absorption.
Her conversation inevitably turns to how great she looks, her “fabulous” clothes and men who are “besotted” with her.
Years before, a close college friend became obnoxiously snobbish to others. I hadn’t recognized this trait in the years when we’d hung out in a tight undergrad group.
Now at 38, busy with work and kids, I wonder if I once chose my friends without any discretion, accepting behaviour I’d now challenge in my kids’ choice of friends.
Was I Undervaluing Myself ? A Discretion is gained through experience and maturity. Eventually it requires you to reject behaviour from others that makes you feel part of the problem. The good result here is that you now value yourself appropriately, along with the standards you want your children to eventually adopt (maybe even sooner).