Don’t stay in a bad relationship

QI’m 58, divorced, dating a man in his late 60s. He says he wants to start living together but as time goes on I have more worries than excitement over this possibility.

He’s very stubborn and still living almost exactly as he did when married to his late wife. For example, Monday night is bridge with friends, Tuesday night is at home, Wednesday night he goes to the bar with friends, etc.

He also likes to travel a lot and can afford to pay my way (since I cannot), but he always tells me exactly what it costs for double occupancy in a hotel, and for my flight ticket, etc.

Because he pays, he makes all the plans. If I disagree with any, he gets cold and distant, making it clear that it’s “his” trip.

On the plus side, he’s intelligent and says he loves me. I admit I was lonely and bored after being on my own for eight years.

Should I just accept his flaws, or go it alone again?

AYou don’t love him. You don’t even mention sex, having fun or even laughing together.

Those missing or uninspiring elements will make his “flaws” and “set ways” unbearable to you over time … maybe even sooner.

Don’t hang on to avoid being lonely again. It’s up to you to put yourself out there by connecting with good friends, getting out with couples, girlfriends and informing all that you’re open to dating someone new.

Sticking with a relationship that’s not making you happy or feeling loving, while accepting his largesse, doesn’t feel or look good on you.

Read Ellie Monday to Saturday Send relationship questions to ellie@thestar.ca