Leaving a partner without a will can lead to trouble

QI met the love of my life 15 years ago. There were instant fireworks. We’ve been together ever since. I was going through a divorce; he’d been separated for several years.

When my divorce was final, he said he’d start working on his. He still hasn’t. I’m sad that he can’t give me this respect. We both have adult children and grandchildren. I’m now

65. What happens in the event of one of our deaths as he has no will?

Whenever I ask him to get his divorce, he shuts down and won’t talk. It’s driving a wedge into our great relationship.

He’s Still Married

AThe two most common reasons why someone refuses to divorce a separated spouse are religious beliefs and guilt.

The pressure of a belief system that considers divorce a sin isn’t easy to overcome. Equally emotional is the guilt some people feel after exchanging marriage vows and raising children together, then breaking those bonds when they separate. You likely know whether religion or guilt plays a part here.

But without a will, he’s casting both of you adrift without important legal rights.

According to divorce laws in some legal jurisdictions, his wife would be the natural inheritor of all that he owns. Also, his wife, not you, could hold sway on decisions about his health and medical treatment choices should he become mentally incompetent and/or physically incapacitated. I suggest you insist that you both see a lawyer together to discuss the effects of his remaining without a will. If he refuses, go yourself, learn the facts that apply where you two live, and tell him what it all means to each of you.

Once he knows the consequences of his doing nothing, you’ll know whether he can adjust his thinking about divorce OR wills. If you then can’t accept his inertia, the wedge between you two isn’t going to go away. Read Ellie Monday to Saturday

Send questions to ellie@thestar.ca Follow @ellieadvice