Truth about biological parents may help or hurt

Dear Readers: Following are just some of the many responses to the Feb. 4 question I asked about the pros and cons of ancestry searches:

Reader #1: “My DNA test resulted in my connecting with a half-brother in Australia, and cousins (his children). The link between us was my father. I wasn’t surprised, since I knew that my father had been unfaithful to my mother. The discovery turned out to be very significant for my half-brother.

“He came to understand that the man he thought was his father was not his father, and that this man had been mean and resentful toward him

... probably because he knew the truth. So, the discovery of a different biological father, whom he will never know, was very meaningful for him.” Reader #2: “This ancestry story takes place long before the internet and DNA testing sites:

“My mother was the second child born to a married man and an unmarried woman with whom he was having an affair. Their first child, also a daughter, had been legally adopted to a loving family and raised knowing her bio-mother as an “Auntie” (friend of the family). She eventually learned the truth.

“My mother was handed off to an elderly couple without any paperwork, likely because she was the second child and they feared tongues would wag. My mother heard rumours but didn’t learn the truth until, as an adult, she applied for a passport and marriage licence. The older sister knew some details and spent years searching for her younger sibling. She finally found her in 1979.

“My mother met her biomom shortly thereafter. She was happy to meet her but never developed any feelings for this stranger. The bio-mom died a short while later of old age. I suddenly had one more aunt, an uncle, and three cousins in my life. Forty years later, we still visit back and forth as close family members do. Until she died in 1999, my mother would share this now-happy story with anyone who asked. My aunt, 92, is still alive and kicking.

“There are a million other details of their lives, with coincidences and similarities despite the immediate separation, different life stories and experiences.”

TIP OF THE DAY

Searching for lost or unknown relatives? Prepare ahead mentally for possibly receiving uncomfortable or disappointing information.