New flame opened door to a longer relationship
Q I have dated online for 10 years. But at 54, with most middle-aged men seeking younger women, I had almost given up when I saw a profile photo of a man, 52, who looked relaxed and friendly.
I “liked” him, he “liked” me back. We spoke for just 10 minutes when he suggested we just meet somewhere where I would “feel comfortable.”
We’ve been seeing each other several times a week for two months. We both love tennis and play at his club. I cook for him after, so he doesn’t feel that I’m taking advantage of him.
He’s easygoing, undemanding, full of energy. And he treats me so well.
We both divorced years ago and have no children.
He spends the winter months in my “sun belt” city and returns north in spring.
He works from home in either location. But I live and work full-time here.
Am I foolish to get too involved with this man, despite the fact it’s going so well, when there’s a time limit on his stay here? (He has parents and extended family “back home.”)
He did mention in passing that it would be nice if I could visit him there sometime.
Is his being here just for the winter months the same situation as a “summer romance?”
Are there red flags that I should start worrying about?
Mid-life Dating
A The notion of a “summer romance” usually occurs on a vacation, a cruise, or other holiday setting, with the heat and freedom heightening emotions, along with a finite end to the possibility of being together.
While that could apply to your situation, his casual invitation for you to visit him has slightly opened the door to a longer relationship.
Dating for just two months is still too early to predict the future.
As for red flags, it depends how you define them. He’s divorced like you, but you don’t say or don’t know whether he has a steady companion when he’s back home. At some point soon, it’s time to ask (without overreacting).
Also, gentle questions about his family/friendship network should help you get a better picture of his life when he’s not living near you. Example: Is he responsible for elderly parents?
Does he have good relations with them and other relatives? Are his close friends in relationships?
In other words, get to know him better.
Send relationship questions to ellie@thestar.ca.
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