Ex must be kind, but firm

Q I broke up with my ex-girlfriend for various reasons. We’ve been trying to stay friends — increasingly difficult for me as she wants to spend too much time together.

Jealously has been showing up in her interactions with me, whenever she discovers that I’ve been out with friends or on a date.

I’ve said that I think we need more space and separation between us. I suggested no contact and no social media contact for a couple of months.

Now she’s falling apart and it’s tearing me apart. I can’t be her friend in this situation. She’s even asked to spend one last evening before I cut contact, asking for intimacy.

I don’t feel right about it and told her so.

She’s someone whom I feel is very insecure and has low self-esteem. I’m feeling drained by being her friend and having been placed too high on the pedestal she’s created for me. What should I do?

Jealous Ex

A You don’t say how long you dated her, nor how long it’s been that you’ve been trying to just be friends. I mention this because, if you had a long and intense relationship, she obviously had reasonable expectations of it continuing.

A breakup is hardest on the one feeling rejected. Sure, it’s hard on you too, but staying “friends” after having been lovers is especially hurtful to her.

Her request for one last go at sex is close to dangerous for her emotional balance at this time.

Be kind but definite.

Say that blocking her on social media is necessary for now, so she can get on with her own life.

Consider asking her closest girlfriend to watch out for her.

Meanwhile, it’s NOT a good time to date women she knows or would hear about. That’s the furthest thing from being her “friend.”

If she says anything that sounds very worrisome about feeling desperate or suicidal, alert her friend or a relative and stress the urgency.

Yes, that’s a purposefully alarming thought so that you’ll stop feeling you’re suffering as much as she is (you’re not) and get to the breakup as responsibly and definitively as possible.

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