Ottawa Citizen

Woman should use this time to rethink current situation

- ELLIE TESHER Advice

Q I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for about a year. We’re used to seeing each other at least three times weekly and talking daily. The catch — he’s married.

Along came COVID-19 and he’s quarantine­d at home with his wife and children.

We have zero way of seeing each other, since what reason could he give to leave the house. We hardly have the chance to speak to each other.

How do I get through not being able to see/talk to him? How do I deal with him being with his wife 24/7?

The Virus Ruined Our Romance

A Getting together could’ve been worse. Since you’re the “outsider” to his family, from an infection-risk perspectiv­e, you might’ve convinced this married “boyfriend” to find an excuse to get together.

That might have brought exposure to the virus to his own health risk, as well as his family … something for which he’d forever be responsibl­e, along with you.

All for another illicit sexual tryst. But he didn’t slip away to see you, and that’s his message of silence: His family comes first.

It’s a signal that it’s time to consider what you really have with this man and the chances of something more in the future.

While some cheating husbands do eventually leave their wives — or get kicked out — the majority of thrice-weekly shags and daily texts add up to just flings. And become dim memories in a string of his infideliti­es. That’s the risk you are taking that has nothing to do with the virus.

Here’s a better way to use this time of being apart, than complainin­g about his (unsurprisi­ng) loyalty to his wife and children:

Ask yourself how long you want to be second-place (or third, fourth, etc.) in his life. And what you have of companions­hip and respect beyond those stolen hours?

Consider, too, that if he needs the ego-boost of getting away with cheating on her, will he need the same outlet for self-indulgence when he’s with you?

COVID-19 has given you an opportunit­y to do better with your life than wait around for another family’s husband and father.

Read Ellie Monday to Saturday

Send relationsh­ip questions to ellie@thestar.ca

Follow @ellieadvic­e

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