When is an affair not an affair?

fell in love with a married man on a flight home from Miami just as the March lockdown started.

We were both wearing masks, both wiped down our seats and trays and there was an empty seat between us. He spoke warmly about his wife and lovingly about his two young daughters. I was unusually open about why my ex-husband and I had recently separated.

The flight wasn’t long, but by the time we landed, I knew I had a crush. We exchanged “business” emails. We stayed in touch for three months. By then, we had shared concerns for aging parents during the pandemic, the difficulties of his managing his business and the loneliness of my working from home.

Sometimes, not often, we teased about “having lunch one of these days.” We came closer than that to meeting in a park halfway between his office and my apartment. It was OK, because I knew by then that I had fallen in love with his decency, and had no real expectation that we’d ever get together romantically. I feel like I went through an important experience. What’s your take on this experience?

The Never-Happened Affair

AIt’s a love-yourself story. You learned the value of a man and his family life without wanting to destroy it through an affair.

He’s not a cheater and neither are you.

My eastern European grandmother felt her son could do no wrong. My grandfather knew better. Early on, his son got involved in dodgy deals while his sister (my mother), sought education and a respected job.

She eventually divorced, left Europe, and brought me to North America with her.

Two decades later, her brother has landed in trouble costing him his home, car and job.

He’s asked my mother who’s finally working again as her job “opened up,” to send her brother money to buy his own apartment. I’m furious about it. I’m self-supporting and doing fine, so this isn’t about any loss to me, personally.

But I know that, because he was once registered as living there, when my grandfather passes, his son will inherit the house.

That’s how it works in their country. He’ll never pay back my mother any money she sends him now, or share that inheritance. I’ve told her not to send the money. But she feels she must. What should I say or do about this?

So Unfair!

Respect your mother’s wish to not worry her father, and her loyalty to her brother.

She’s consistently modelled independence, the ability to make courageous choices, maintaining ties to her father and her past.

Lucky you. Stay supportive. Read Ellie Monday to Saturday