Woman must heal old wound

Q I'm a woman, 40, divorced, with one daughter. Years back, I was working in a large organization and eventually started a relationship with one of the company managers (not mine). He was divorced but had been involved with someone else who worked in another department when I met him.

I felt awkward about the situation, which caused office gossip. But our relationship won out. I fell hard. He met my daughter, then 8, and was very sweet and kind to her. I honestly thought we all had a future together.

Then one day, he didn't respond to my texts. For seven months we'd never missed seeing each other at some point every day. I feared something terrible had happened to him. I even asked his previous girlfriend from our workplace if she knew whether anything had happened to him. She just said, “This is what he does.”

He ghosted me. That was six years ago. I work from home now for another company, and I never discovered why he was finished with me. When he returned to work following a two-week absence, he still didn't contact me. One day, from my home, I called and screamed at him, then hung up and sobbed uncontrollably while my daughter tried to comfort me. I never spoke to him again. I heard that he moved away with another woman a few years later. I'm over it now. But he stole my self-confidence as a woman, for which I'll never forgive him. I feel stronger for carrying that anger instead of giving it up.

Your Thoughts?

A Being “ghosted” feels so cruel that any reasons for it never take away the sting.

But it's cowardice that's evident on the offender's part, not a statement about you.

The common, hurtful effect of being ghosted is to feel rejected, as if you were disposable. But six years later, you know that's wrong. The action was on his part, and it was about him ... he's a serial betrayer. His former girlfriend had learned about it: “This is what he does.”

You've written now because, due to his abrupt disappearance from your life, you still carry a painful wound. It needs your attention. I urge you, for the sake of your two most important relationships — one with yourself, the other with your daughter — to heal that wound. Now.

Be the model for her that she needs: Live proud and confident. You did nothing to deserve this. Nor will she ever deserve or allow someone trifling with her emotions.

If you can't get past this on your own, seek a therapist's help, available online.

Reader: Regarding the successful businesswoman who thinks that her siblings are jealous of her and her husband's financial success. I've been there as the sibling. What the woman perceives as jealousy could simply be the siblings showing they're tired of hearing about the money the couple is spending.

Their relatives are likely “up to here” with the couple being tone deaf and flaunting their success, while others are struggling.

You don't want digs from your family, but she should have some empathy and not talk about the vacations and other luxuries.

I found it especially telling that the woman complains about she and her husband being expected to eventually pay more for their parents' retirement home.

That's what they should do when it's needed. It's not all about money, folks.