Mother has no place in wedding decisions

Q How do I convince my mother that she no longer has a voice in my love life? I was 26 when I introduced her to the man I'd marry. He was good looking, casual and amusing, working in his family's successful business.

My mother said he was cocky, self-important and would break my heart. She was right. We divorced six years later when I discovered he'd been cheating with his co-worker, whom he later married, then divorced. Whenever my mother hears anything about my ex, she's quick to say, “I told you so.”

I'm now involved with a man I love in a far deeper, trusting way. He's also divorced and values, as I do, our being absolutely sure of each other.

But my mother's cold to him and warns me that I'm not a good judge of men. She persists, even though we've been living together for two years. My friends think we're a great couple, even under the test of living and working in close quarters through a pandemic.

My partner would like us to marry, and I mostly agree. We both want to celebrate our union that way.

But my mother says she won't attend and says I'm making another “huge mistake.”

I'm 36 now and committed to this man.

How do I continue a relationship with my mother when she won't even acknowledge him? Should I just not have a wedding because she won't attend? (It would've been small — 10 people if allowed — or just a virtual event).

My Partner or My Mom?

A You two see all the positives in your relationship, while your mother sees only negatives from the past.

As a mother, she reveals a dim view of her adult child's ability to grow and benefit from experience. She applies that same opinion to your partner without trying to get to know him.

As a role model, your mother has no place in your wedding decision.

She has a closed mind and threatens to emotionally dismiss your vows by not attending.

If she persists with this view, that's her choice.

But it needn't be yours.

Tell your mother that you'll always care about her, even if you two have major disagreements. You'll marry your partner when/ where/how you two choose, and prefer she's part of it. If not, so be it.