Growing apart is not easy
Q My husband and I are both retired and empty nesters. Our persistent issues have now become obvious. Although we interact over meals, he spends most days by himself doing errands, shopping or at a park, etc. I'd like to join him sometimes but he obviously doesn't want this. His ploys to discourage my participation include announcing he's leaving while going out the door, saying he's just getting groceries but not returning for hours.
I've tried asking his plans in the morning but he gets annoyed.
None of this is new behaviour, but exacerbated by retirement and COVID. He's self-centred, opinionated, wants things his way and is disinterested in others. I contributed more than equally to our retirement funds.
It's late in life and would be very disruptive to be leaving the marriage. I may miss the limited companionship that I have with my husband, but I work at thinking positively and cheer myself up with small things. But underneath I feel sad, hurt and rejected by his behaviour.
Married and Lonely
A It's interesting that you didn't ask for relationship advice, indicating that you've already concluded that nothing would change in your marriage.
That may be true ... but it doesn't mean that you personally can't change some things that would make you happier and less lonely within the marriage where you've apparently decided to stay. You've described your husband's behaviour and activities outside the house during COVID, his distance from sharing activities with you and his lack of interest in talking together.
Clearly, there are people in your life besides your husband — family members and personal friends, perhaps also some neighbours — with whom you can converse, go for walks or connect online.
Despite being empty nesters, if there are adult children and grandchildren within virtual reach, setting up a weekly or periodic contact can be a highlight of that day. So many seniors on their own depend on those contacts and information-sharing. As a positive and helpful person, you have much to offer to others who are totally alone all the time, some with minimal resources and many needing a boost of kindness ... whether a phone call to just check on them or connecting them with a social service agency.
I agree that your time in life doesn't lend itself to an easy move on your own. But you still have the energy and desire to raise your own sense of satisfaction in your daily life.
As the weather improves, you don't have to depend on your husband to get outside. Walk in nature, perhaps with a neighbour to join you — vaccinated, masked and socially distanced so that you're still protecting your health.