A nurturer is the `real' father

Reader 1: Regarding the young woman who discovered “My Real Father.” Writing as a donor-conceived person, a “real” father nurtures and is involved with the child or children in his care.

The writer feels incomplete only knowing half her story. She's entitled to know as much as possible.

Since her biological father died relatively young, there may be health issues she needs to know and can learn from half-siblings or extended family.

As for the grandmother, with only one long-ago contact, there may be hurt feelings on both sides.

She should write to the grandmother, giving her time to consider a response. Hopefully, as well as mentioning her pride in knowing who fathered her, she'll express belated sympathy on his demise.

Reader 2: It's important to differentiate between the understanding of who's a “real” and who is a biological or birth parent.

The writer elevates the man who's essentially the sperm-giver to “real” status, and the man who ostensibly raised her, to not “real.”

Yet he's her parent — the one who raised her, loved her and was there for her.

For most people, this is the same as a biological/birth parent. But for adopted families, it's of critical importance.

Reader 3: If a couple has a baby using an egg from a third person female donor, nobody would dare refer to the egg provider as the real mother.

Times have changed considerably. Today's father isn't a figurehead. He is a nurturer of his children, along with the mother.

It's time to re-examine the outdated assumption contained in the “real father” phrase. It's insulting and hurtful to the real loving, protective father who was living with and raising the children.