Childhood trauma resurfaces for new mom

Dear Abby: Throughout my childhood, my mother was controlling in many ways. One of them was my clothes. She dressed me in ridiculous outfits that I found humiliating. If I expressed an opinion about anything, I was treated as being “bad.” It affected my mental health, which resulted in me hating the way I look.

I went through multiple eating disorders and addiction, and I had plastic surgery 15 years ago. After many years of therapy, I am now better emotionally. I also endured many years of infertility, but I am finally a mother, working hard to give my child a better life than I had.

My mother continues buying clothes for my child, and receiving these “gifts” fills me with rage. My son is too young to pick out his own clothes, but I know what he likes and I choose clothes accordingly. I allow him to select which items he wears, guilt free. My mother seems to buy clothes based on my son's interests, but I resent her buying any clothes for him. I want her to stop. It's my turn to be a parent!

I feel so much guilt, anger and shame giving away or selling clothes I don't want, like I'm being “bad.” Despite therapy, my childhood trauma persists. How can I ask my mother to stop buying unwanted gifts?

Bad Kid for Life

Dear Bad Kid: Do not ask your mother to stop buying clothing for your son — tell her. While you're at it, tell her what you have been doing with them and why. Then, if she doesn't already know, explain how the way she raised you affected you. To do that isn't being bad; it is honest and long overdue. If she persists after that, feel free to donate the clothes, because another child might love them.