Man's chronic unemployment creates doubt

I'm a 32-year-old woman who has been with my boyfriend, my first and only partner, for 11 years. Overall, our relationship is healthy. I can see us getting married and living a happy life together.

The problem is aside from a few short-term gigs, he hasn't had a job for the last six years, when he left his office job to move with me for my career.

I've done well. But although he has applied for all sorts of jobs — sales, admin, medical, police, government, fast food — no one has hired him.

Last year, he developed a heart condition, and he can no longer perform physical labour. He also suffers from depression. I've been paying for nearly everything. I'm lucky not to have credit card debt, but at age 32, I have no retirement savings. I want to progress in life and have an equal partner. We've discussed marriage, and I think he's “the one.” But how long should I hold out hope of him finding a job? Burdened in Florida

Dear Burdened: Has it occurred to you that the reason the man you love has been unable to find employment all this time may be connected to his depression? It would benefit you both if he consulted a doctor and sought treatment for it. Please explore this before ending your relationship because it could be the solution to your problem.

Dear Abby: My sister has become very interested in Zen meditation. She spent a week at a special meditation workshop during which she said she meditated all day. She's now saying she wants to become a Zen priest, which necessitates spending three months at a Zen centre meditating constantly. My sister has a husband and two teenage daughters I think she's neglecting. She works only part time as a bookkeeper to allow more time for her Zen centre. How can I persuade her to focus on her family and career, and let Zen meditation be her hobby?

Priorities in the West

Dear Priorities: Your sister is an adult, intelligent and capable of making her own decision about the path in life she chooses.