Son's new playmate resides in home with a sex offender
Dear Abby: We recently moved to a new neighbourhood. My eight-year-old son, “Joey,” has become best friends with “Paul,” who lives on our street. We know from research we did that Paul's stepfather, with whom he lives, is a sex offender who committed crimes against children. Paul has been coming to our house most days, which is fine. However, both Paul and Joey have started asking whether Joey can go play at Paul's house. I will never allow my son to play there. At some point, the boys will want an explanation, but I don't think Paul knows about his stepfather's past, and I don't think Paul's mother knows that I know. If
I tell Joey an age-appropriate version of the truth, I am sure he will tell Paul. I don't think this is how Paul should hear about his stepfather's past, plus I am concerned it might cause Paul's mother to get upset and cut off the friendship.
Conflicted in the West
Dear Conflicted: Are you certain that you have the story right? I ask because I'm surprised that he would be allowed to live in a household with a minor child.
Your concern that Joey might tell Paul about his stepfather is laudable. A way to handle it would be to continue insisting that the boys play only at your house. I do think you should discuss this with Paul's mother so you know for sure this is what you are dealing with. If it is true, for the next few years use the old, “Because I'm your mother and I said so!” when Joey asks to visit Paul. Eventually, the truth is going to come out, but Paul should hear it from his mother.
Dear Abby: I've been married for eight years. I love my wife. The problem is that although I'm in love with her, I still love my exwife. I never actually expressed these feelings toward my ex until recently. I write to her and call her, hoping she will answer. I know she still loves me.
I don't want to leave my wife because she's a good woman. But so was my ex. What can I do?
Lots of Love in Florida
Dear Lots: May I inject a sliver of reality into your fantasy? You say you “know” your ex-wife still loves you although she won't come out and say it, nor does she answer your passionate letters. I'd say her refusal to communicate sends a pretty strong message that she doesn't feel the way you do.