Ancient divorce still a sore subject

My parents have been divorced for 30 years. It was an unpleasant divorce because Dad had an affair with a woman he worked with and married her soon after. Mom was devastated. She and Dad were high school sweethearts.

Both have moved on from this — sort of. Dad has since divorced, remarried and divorced again. He's now with a woman he isn't married to, but who is wonderful to him. My mom remarried to a lovely man she knew in high school. But she still talks about Dad and how he hurt her.

I knew about the affair when I was younger and, as I grew older, I discovered there had been many more affairs with other women. Mom takes some responsibility for the divorce. She mentioned that she wasn't always “there” for Dad because she had young children and always felt tired.

I recently saw my father. He talked about Mom and opened up a new can of worms. He confided that he always wanted to be a “one-woman guy” and have one wife, but not only was my mom rarely “there” for him, but they also didn't have relations for the first two years of their marriage.

Both parents are getting up in age now.

Knowing this and the continuous blame game, should I bring this up to Mom the next time she talks about Dad in a negative light or let it go?

Pulled in Two in Florida

Dear Pulled: If you bring up what your father told you, it will only stir the pot. Let it go.

But before you do, tell your mother you know the divorce was hurtful to both of them, and you would appreciate it if she wouldn't discuss it with you further.

As for your father, he had no business discussing with you what he did. If he brings it up again, remind him that his marriage to your mother was only his first marriage, and you don't want to hear it again because it was inappropriate.