Relative's gift choices unwanted and annoying
Dear Abby: I'm a 77-year-old woman with a 27-year-old granddaughter who loves electronic gadgets and toys. She's comfortable financially and often buys expensive gifts for me.
While I appreciate her generosity and her desire to make my life “easier and more fun,” I simply am not interested in receiving these gifts.
I find trying to use these devices more frustrating than enjoyable. I have asked her repeatedly to please not spend her money on me, but it always falls on deaf ears.
Perhaps if you print this, she might realize how difficult it is for us older folks to use these gadgets. How can I get my point across without hurting her feelings?
Good Intentions
Dear Good Intentions: Tell your granddaughter you love her and appreciate her generosity, but electronic gadgets are not enjoyable for you, and you wish she would stop giving them to you.
If she asks what you might like, explain (again) that you do not need anything but would instead like to spend time with her or go to an event together.
That message, delivered in a kind way, should not cause hurt feelings.
Dear Abby: After spending hours preparing a meal, is it appropriate for your guest to cover the food on their plate with salt and pepper without first tasting it? Beyond being inappropriate, isn't it just plain rude? Should I say something to these people? Never invite them for a meal again? Or just let it go?
In a State in the Garden State
Dear In a State: The next time a guest reflexively gestures toward the salt shaker without having taken a bite of your food, you would be within your rights to ask why. Perhaps your cooking tends toward the underspiced.
If you are truly offended by this, no rule of etiquette decrees that you must invite the person again. (I also know of no rule of etiquette that states a host must put salt and pepper on the table.)
If a friendship is a warm one, I'm inclined to allow my guests to do whatever makes them comfortable, appreciate them for who they are and let something like this go.