Funny Stuff

My husband and I had a romantic start. A fellow I went to high school with, who I’ll call Steve to protect his true identity, decided to study abroad in the United Kingdom. He attended Keele University and made a number of friends there, one of whom joined him on a visit back to Canada. While in Canada, Steve and his friend, who I’ll call Josh, visited an Irish pub to take in the local scene. For the first time in years, I decided to go out with some old friends from high school and—lo and behold—found myself in the same pub. I happened to sit next to Josh while everyone else was catching up. I was very merry and Josh had this wonderfully thick accent. While we had a good time, I didn’t think then that he would become someone very special to me. Nevertheless, during his time in Canada, we went on several dates and before he left to head back to England, he asked if he could call me. It was a gentlemanly offer and I certainly did not want to refuse. After months of telephone conversations, letters and emails, Josh and I fell in love. We were both focused on school and found the long-distance arrangement practical but difficult. After two years, we were engaged and Josh moved to Canada.

That start has carried us through 14 years. But now, I am faced with a dilemma: Josh has started to stray. It began simply enough. We would be having a conversation or be out on a date and his eyes would wander. Most women are familiar with that subtle shift of eye contact, mid-sentence, and then back again. As a married woman, you don’t want to be too harsh about the odd roving eye or appear childishly jealous. So you ignore it. But then the incidents increased. The long glances, the intermittent texts, the quietly answered phone calls. The eyes being more and more drawn to the cell phone screen. As a loving wife, I began to wonder, at what point do you point out that it’s getting rude? Or worse, hurtful?

Then I started to think, was it me? Have I changed so much that his attention has wavered? All these questions flooded my brain and sometimes made it difficult to sleep at night. Having a comfortable routine, children and work is not a bad place to be, but it all comes into question when your husband seems distracted or distant.

For better or worse, I’ve decided to confront her instead of him. With all the courage and frailty of a woman facing this situation, I wasn’t going to give up without a fight! I’ve invested too much. So, one night very soon, I will make it very clear to Siri—i want my husband back. And no matter how many cat videos, Facebook posts, emails, tweets or news flashes get in the way, he will again be mine. She can take her Britishaccented sarcasm and delete. After all, a woman of flesh and blood can certainly take on any electronic device.

I just have to hide the charger.