SOCIAL MEDIA MISFIT

When I said you were obsessed with texting, you didn’t take it very well. You cried, “That’s textual harassment! I’m deleting you from my cell,” and as you pulled the car into the driveway, you yelled, “TTYL!”*

When I asked you what that meant, you refused to say, so I asked you once again and you laughed out “IDK,”* then slammed the car door shut, sighed and walked away.

As you continued to rant, your tone got much more bitter. You said I was a “media misfit” and a “technological quitter,” and that I could no longer “like” you on Facebook or “follow” you on Twitter.

But I think you were being over-reactive when you labelled my media status “inactive,” simply because I’m a tad maladaptive.

Is it because I’m media underfed, or punishment for all those times I said “You don’t have eyes in the top of your head!”

Either way, it’s all the same: I don’t know how to “play the game,” so I’ll concede social media shame.

Shameful but true, now I’m rueful and blue, because without any media contact with you, how will I ever “like” everything that you do?

But alas, my dilemma is woefully twofold, because eminently inherent to my status removal will be loss of your “likes” and status approval.

And although that’s left me to despair, in a twist of fate it’s made me aware of a question for you that I dare to share.

Do you think it’s ironic that my media affliction and subsequent social media eviction were precipitated by your media addiction?

I counted to myself, that night of our drive, all of your phone distractions and tallied at least five, but all I really wanted was to arrive alive!

Now look at my “status.” I’m a social media tramp, but with aspirations of getting back into your camp; however until then, I’ll have to interact with a stamp.