A little political satire
Deep in a jungle in India - okay, 15 minutes outside of New Delhi - Justin Trudeau is on a hike. A heavy backpack has his shirtless chest glistening, a bright orange Topi cap adorns his head. The marijuana edible he took 45 minutes ago, to really ‘get away’ from his difficult India trip, is kicking in...
“Come to me, jungle creatures!” Justin says while kneeling on the ground. A macaque creeps through the branches. An elephant pushes a tree down to sit on. A Bengal tiger slinks in softly, silently, scarily.
“Male of mankind, why does your backpack bear the mark of a red maple leaf?” asks Elephant.
“I am Canadian, and Canadians want people to know something important when we travel,” replies Justin.
“What is that?” cackles Macaque with laughter in every syllable. “That we are definitely not Americans!” Justin says with a giggle. Macaque laughs so hard she falls from her tree onto Tiger, but Tiger doesn’t react. Tiger doesn’t react until Tiger kills.
“Why are you talking to animals, Canadian male of mankind?” asks Elephant.
“I am here because I have coined the word people-kind to free us all from gender biased language. Like ‘mankind,’ the ‘mal’ of ‘animal’ is also gender-biased. Don’t you feel its repression?” he asks. The animals stare blankly.
“I shall free you...” Trudeau trails off, thinking deeply on animal-based gender-bias.
Elephant whispers down his trunk to Tiger: “The Canadian male of mankind is tripping. Do you also smell the green weed on his breath?” Tiger does not react as Tiger is not about to kill.
Justin springs to his feet excitedly: “Ani-kind! That’s it! Ani-kind, I have freed you beyond your current freedom with language! Do you feel how free you are now!?”
Macaque feels that this is absurd as she says: “Canadian male of mankind, you make me chuckle many times, but your language brings me no closer to being anything more than a chuckling chimp.”
“Monkeys aren’t chimps, don’t forget,” quips Elephant.
Macaque jumps and howls and curses Elephant: “Don’t forget I’m awake while you sleep, Elephant. I want action from this male of mankind, not words. I’ll stay up late and cut you for speaking back!”
“Ani-kind! Please, stop fighting! You’re free from gender bias and should be friends!” Justin interjects. “I’ll give you a present if you stop.” The ani-kinds go silent as Justin opens his backpack and proudly removes what’s inside, a Canadian beaver!
“Tiger, national animal of India, I offer you the national animal of Canada.” He sets the beaver down. “Mate with her, create a new animal which will bring ani-kind and people-kind of Canada and India together!”
“Tastes like Canadian bacon,” purrs Tiger, “What does a Canadian male of mankind taste like, I wonder?”
Trudeau, sprinting away, yells back “We call Canadian bacon ‘peameal’!”