COMIC RELIEF

Outdoor Lifestyle Magazine - - Contents - by Peter Vogler

A hur­ri­cane is a blowin’

The winds of change have been blow­ing hard around this spin­ning old globe of ours lately and it’s leav­ing me vexed. Yes, vexed. I just wanted to use that word. It’s an old and re­spectable word.

What’s old but dis­tinctly not re­spectable in this new world be­ing scoured by the winds of change is Don­ald Trump. We ex­pect a cer­tain amount of dis­hon­esty and skull­dug­gery from our politi­cians but Trump has taken this to new heights. The foul breeze em­a­nat­ing from the ob­scene smoke­stack of his soul is breath-tak­ing, er - de­plorable.

At least it’s be­ing mit­i­gated by the sweet fra­grance of cannabis, the possession of which will no longer land you in jail. Why this in­no­cent weed was ever un­der the scru­tiny of our jus­tice sys­tem is be­yond me, but hey, for once, more rea­son­able “heads” have pre­vailed. Ei­ther that, or the smell of easy profit has lured the once sober sen­a­tors of our coun­try to vote for its le­gal­iza­tion.

Not quite on topic but did you know that not only the winds, but the tides are chang­ing? This is ap­par­ently more im­por­tant than it sounds and not just be­cause surfers and sail­board­ers may ac­ci­den­tally turn up on the wrong coast. The Pa­cific Ocean has turned into a gi­ant toi­let bowl of ocean waste, mostly plas­tic, but un­like a toi­let it has nowhere to go ex­cept around and around, a great vor­tex wait­ing for some gi­ant plug to be pulled or plunger to be flushed. Yuck, I’m gonna think about my new iPhone in­stead.

If some­one could, re­mind me again what life was like be­fore iPhones please. Please?! I vaguely re­mem­ber hav­ing a box-like ma­chine with a tape in it that recorded my tele­phone mes­sages. And a sorta banana-shaped item with a kind of fun curly cord at­tached to it that I talked into. I can’t re­mem­ber if it ever spoke back to me. I do know that I never once took any of it across the street in traf­fic with my eyes glued to it.

For the long­est time evo­lu­tion moved oh so slowly, glacially in fact, speak­ing of which the glaciers I saw as a kid above my head here in Whistler are re­ced­ing faster than a cold beer on a hot day. Any­way, where it used to take mil­lions of years for a species to evolve into a new form it only takes a day or two now to evolve a per­fectly good gold­fish into a per­fectly pur­ple spec­i­men, which begs the ques­tion: is it still a gold­fish? Or does that make it a pur­ple­fish or a pur­ple-gold­fish? Gene­s­plic­ing is fun!

Too much change too fast - help! It might be time for a good old bi­b­li­cal wind to blow out all the car­bon, the garbage and all the other crap we’ve been toss­ing out willy-nilly like a three-year-old dis­cov­er­ing a roll of toi­let pa­per for the first time. We’re kinda push­ing our luck and a good old cleanse is com­ing our way.

We got a flood in Noah’s time, we’ve done the plague of lo­custs, there’s the fire below be­ing staged by Satan’s real es­tate team. The winds of change are about to turn into a hur­ri­cane. ~

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