Rock on left ring finger fools man

DEAR ANNIE: For the past few years, I have bumped into a female acquaintance at our large workplace about twice a month.

She always seemed friendly and sometimes even a little flirty. She always had a ring on her left ring finger, so I assumed she was spoken for.

I saw her again this week, and she excitedly told me she is getting married. I congratulated her and mentioned that she must have known this guy a long time. She told me “it’s been almost a year.”

I asked her about the ring she always wore on her left hand, and she said, “That was my mother’s ring.”

It turns out that this smart, beautiful lady was available for much of the time I’ve known her.

I think we could have made a wonderful couple.

I always thought that a woman wearing any type of ring on her ring finger was clearly indicating that she was not available.

But after talking with other women friends, I’ve found out that this isn’t always the case. What are your feelings on the matter?

— Disappointed

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: These days, women wear rings everywhere. But you are right that those who wear them on their ring finger give the impression that they are attached.

There is nothing wrong with saying, “Congratulations! When is the wedding?” If she’s not engaged, she will say so. And if she is, no harm, no foul.

DEAR ANNIE: I’ve known “Owen” for four years, and we are in various classes together.

We email regularly and chat all the time, and I consider him my best friend. Our parents are good friends, too.

Recently, Owen and I have become closer than “just friends” and privately expressed our feelings for each other. However, once our parents found out, they promptly shut us down, saying we were “unqualified” and “underage.”

We didn’t even kiss, let alone have sex. My parents have always been protective, and I appreciate that, but this is upsetting to me.

Owen is a great guy. We are both very responsible kids. I don’t have a fantastic relationship with my parents, so I tend not to be that open with them. It’s not comfortable for me.

Both my parents and Owen’s seem to have brushed aside the whole thing as if it never occurred. What should I do?

—A.

DEAR A.: It depends on how old you are. If you are not yet 16, your parents are wise to put a lid on this.

The reason is, these things can get out of control, even though you are both responsible. It starts with expressing your feelings, then kissing, and then one of you will undoubtedly want the relationship to progress to the next level. As teenagers, your emotions tend to get ahead of your brain. (This can happen even after you are 16, but that is a more acceptable age to begin dating.)

Your feelings for Owen are perfectly normal, but please don’t do too much too soon. And it would be unwise to hide your activities from your parents.

If you don’t think you can talk to them about this, confide in an older sibling, an aunt or uncle, or a grandparent, favourite teacher or family friend. It will help. Promise.

DEAR ANNIE: I think it’s wonderful that “Sugar Mama” has planned for her retirement.

My husband and I have some simple advice: “Spend your children’s inheritance.” If the kids aren’t expecting money, they will stand on their own two feet. If you decide (as my mom did) to help the grandchildren, it is a delightful surprise, and you reap the thanks while you can enjoy it.

“Sugar” should go on that cruise and be generous with her friend. If her daughter doesn’t like it, she will have to live with her own disappointment while Mom is having a wonderful life, well earned.

— West Virginia

DEAR ANNIE: I could have written the letter from “Frustrated and Furious,” whose brother ignores her children’s events.

I agree with your comment that he probably believes everything is fine, because like many men, he thinks his wife is handling gifts and cards.

It wasn’t until my stepmother died that my family members began receiving birthday cards. Dad believed that his wife of nearly 30 years had been taking care of it because she had done it for her own family.

—Been There

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email to anniesmailbox@comcast.net.