Dad’s friend making move on pal’s daughter

Dear Marie and Gerry: My serious love relationship expired around six months ago. We were together for seven years.

He explained he met someone and just could not help himself. He said our interests had changed and better to give us both a better chance to find true love.

I thought we had true love and needless to say was devastated and tried to make things work, but he wished me the best and he left me. I have had a lot of trouble trying to meet others.

My dad is a great comfort and a family friend of my dad’s has been really kind, giving me small gifts and support. He is a longtime family friend and very trustworthy.

He works with my dad. I work for a different company, but in the same building, so we cross paths regularly.

Recently he has offered to take me out to dinner and other outings, sort of like a date. But not to pressure me, he said he checked with my dad and my dad is OK with it.

I don’t really have any love feelings for him, as he is like an uncle, but since I had put all my eggs in one basket, I wonder if I want to chance getting any older without meeting the right person? Marie says: Recovering from a long-time love relationship is not so easy. The loss can be very traumatic, and you can lose your sense of confidence in who you are and where you are going now.

You say you enjoy your work and have a good future with your company; also you were planning to buy your own house together with your ex.

So firstly you need to identify what you want to accomplish now. Own your own house, car, holidays, or other stuff?

Secondly, this relationship with your dad’s friend could just be taking advantage of him.

You say you like and respect him, but don’t love him. Is it fair to him to give your second best, just to help you through this relationship crisis?

The saying “plenty more fish in the sea” is true, so maybe you should wait and honestly re-evaluate your needs for your future, then if you need this man just as a friend, make it clear to him so that he is not under any misunderstandings. Gerry says: Sometimes when relationships break down it seems like the end of the world, but it could have been worse. If he stayed with you, got married and then later on decided to leave you divorced and possible children in the mix that would be so much worse.

This could be the making of you. No one gets through life without a scar or two. Take this experience and learn from it, but don’t use someone else to soothe your ego. You need to have friends close to your own age. Also appreciate the advantages you already have.

Get counselling if you think it will help. Just saying. Dear Marie and Gerry: I recently saw my neighbour throw some dog pooh onto my driveway, and not for the first time.

He says my dog is fouling his garden, but that’s not true. Other dogs roam the neighbourhood.

The neighbour is also quite rude and I am concerned he might be aggressive to me. I always keep my dog on the leash.

This is ongoing for months. What are my options? Marie says: This matter often crops up between dog owners and non-dog owners.

It is always the responsibility of the dog’s owner to clean up after their pets and make sure they’re nto being a nuisance.

There are the bylaws that apply to all dog owners in your municipality. You can contact your city hall to see what options you have.

Yes, it is legal for you to monitor with video to actually catch this individual in his immature behaviour.

Then you would have sufficient proof to follow up. If you are concerned that he might threaten you, a chat with the local police would be a sensible move. Gerry says: OK, you could collect the dog doo, secure it properly, and return it to your neighbour, leave a note stating: “I noticed you dropped this on our driveway and thought you might need it, as you might want to give it to the real dog owner since it does not belong to my dog.”

Or a note saying: “You’re welcome to borrow my video camera to catch the dog in action.” Or some other polite message.

Or you can choose to be the bigger person and not engage in his stupid behaviour.

If you ignore the situation, sometimes it just stops. Just saying.

Marie and Gerry Prior are retired certified and professional counsellors with over 35 years’ experience. Marie currently provides free counselling in Penticton. To contact them for help or ask a question, call 250-809-9762 or email gemcarecounselling@gmail.com. This column is meant for general advice only.