Two strikes and out in this game

DEAR ELLIE: Ten years ago, I met up on Facebook with an old lover, and after chatting for two years (I was single) his marriage ended.

He asked to visit and stayed six years.

I’d discovered towards the end that he was frequently chatting online with his ex-wife.

My brother was very ill, so I went to help my sister-in-law in their city and he went too and stayed with his family there. I didn’t see much of him.

When we returned home, he said he wasn’t happy and wanted to return to the family i.e. his ex, which he did.

I soon started hearing from him again.

My brother passed away and we met for coffee. He asked if I’d move back with him.

Well, my family all lived there†and I was alone where I was, so I agreed, sold everything, and sternly warned him: No more emailing his ex.

We have a great apartment, and everything’s gone well for one year.

Then, his†iPad pinged and the message was from his EX!

He said it was just a friendly note.

I’m thinking of leaving him as I believe he’s trying to get an opening with her again. He’s never come out and said, let’s talk about it.

I know the outcome and what I need to do. — Any Input?

ANSWER: You’ve already got the score on his two-timing game: Third Time OUT. His pattern is short-term neediness, then limited calm, until wanderlust strikes him again.

This time, protect your finances and legal rights immediately, since you’re living common-law after investing in making changes to be with him.

If he does suddenly want to “talk about it,” go to counselling with him and make sure he opens up to you (and himself), under the counsellor’s guidance.

Otherwise, he remains a serious, repeated risk to any future stability for you.

TIP OF THE DAY Two strikes from a partner with a “love-them/leave-them pattern” should end this hurtful game. Email ellie@thestar.ca. Follow @ellieadvice.