SOWINS helps youth escape abuse
Participation in Walk to End Abuse fundraiser will support work by agency
Editor’s note: This is the first in a series of articles highlighting the work of the South Okanagan Women in Need Society ahead of its Walk to End Abuse fundraiser on June 3.
It’s an unfortunate reality that some children are forced to grow up earlier than their years due the actions of others. However, unlike some stories that end in tragedy, Ashley’s is one of resilience and determination to overcome her situation.
At 19, Ashley has felt like an adult for many years, but not by choice.
“I first noticed the abuse when I was seven,” says Ashley.
“There were holes punched into the walls when my dad came back from work. He would scream at me, putting me down and telling me I wasn’t worthy of his family name. Then he started spending weekends in jail.”
When she was 11, Ashley and her mother left Saskatchewan after leaving her father due to violence and abuse. Soon after she arrived in the Okanagan, the trouble continued.
“I watched my dad get arrested when he tried to break into my bedroom window. My mom fought for custody, but I still was required to spend some time with my dad.”
Due to the custody battle and visitation, Ashley was required to attend counselling sessions at the RCMP detachment.
“For what seems like forever, I had counselling sessions three or four days per week with the RCMP,” says Ashley.
Her childhood started to slip away with little opportunity to spend time with friends and participate in extracurricular activities. At school, where Ashley was a strong student, kids heard about the arrest and RCMP visits.
They began to bully her, calling her names, pushing her into lockers and more. Ashley reports that 11 students were suspended and two expelled due to bullying her throughout high school. Yet Ashley would continue to find a positive path.
“As soon as I hit Grade 8, I spent my time in the shop and it was my safe place. My shop teacher became my counsellor and we worked together to help get me into a trades program by my first semester of Grade 11. I was taking seven courses at once to get out of high school because it was hell.”
At the same time, Ashley’s relationship with her mom was deteriorating and she was forced to move out at the end of Grade 11.
Fortunately, due to her hard work and persistence with school, Ashley received a full scholarship to attend a trades program. With things looking up, she was able to find an apartment with two roommates, one of whom was also a student in Ashley’s trades program.
School in the trades started out well, but after two months things started to go downhill at home and school when Ashley learned one of her roommates was keeping Ashley’s rent money and not paying. To get around the issue, Ashley started paying the landlord directly. However, that set off her roommate.
Over the course of the next few months, school and home became a place of terror. Ashley says that when she went to the RCMP, they didn’t take her concerns seriously and attributed it to “drama.”
In one incident, Ashley was hospitalized. When she was discharged, her roommate attacked her on her way home.
The violence and abuse were taking their toll. Between waiting for her roommate to be suspended, being hospitalized and facing life at home, Ashley’s grades began to slip.
“I missed more than three weeks of school and couldn’t keep up,” she says.
Due to the time missed and falling grades, Ashley was forced out her trades program and lost her scholarship. Four days after she left school, Ashley was evicted from her apartment because she wasn’t on the lease. Ashley felt like she had nowhere to turn. A friend of a friend reached out through Facebook and mentioned SOWINS, the South Okanagan Women in Need Society, and informed her that they have a bed for youth at their transition house in Penticton.
She called right away and began staying at the transition house that night. Her stay would last four months. She received her own private room with bathroom, meals, counselling and more.
“When I arrived at SOWINS, it was such a change to be a youth again. I got to be involved in the house, went to movies and was able to have a huge weight lifted off my shoulders so I could start planning again for my future.”
Ashley says she learned a lot during her stay: “It’s not just youth who are in these situations. Violence and abuse can affect anyone.”
She now knows abusers can be roommates, partners, family members, acquaintances or strangers. Survivors of this abuse are people of all ages, races and economic situations.
She adds, “I don’t want to be a victim. If I can overcome this, anyone can.”
Life is better these days. Ashley and her mom have invested in rebuilding their relationship. She has started a modelling contract in addition to other work in her field. Since her time at SOWINS, she is feeling more optimistic than ever.
“If it wasn’t for the SOWINS youth bed, I would have been on the streets. It’s been such a turnaround it’s like whiplash. So many good things are happening.”
SOWINS currently has funding for one youth bed. During Ashley’s stay, three youth were staying at the transition house. The demand for safe, secure housing for women and youth who have experienced or are at risk of abuse continues to be high.
Register today to join Ashley and hundreds of others to say no to abuse at the SOWINS Fifth Annual Walk to End Abuse. Register at SOWINS.com/walk.