Recognize when you’re fighting reality
In his book, “Easier than you Think”, Richard Carlson tells about an incident which happened when he was in Chicago giving a lecture. Following the talk, a 47 year old man who had been in the audience, expressed his concern to Carlson about a decision his 27 year old son had made. Against the wishes of the father, the son had made the decision to attend college.
The father added that, for himself, “...not going to college was the worst decision he had ever made and that he was certain his son would never recover if he made the same mistake.”
Carlson realized that the son’s decision was very hard and painful for the father. But he also realized that the father was “fighting against certainty” — that nothing could be said or done to change the son’s decision.
As Carlson wrote, “Learning to recognize when we are arguing with, or struggling against reality may be one of the smallest shifts you can make in your attitude. But it may also yield one of the most significant insights. Very simply, recognizing when your fighting reality spells the difference between guaranteed misery and a life filled with peace and contentment.”
Carlson asks us to consider, in a couple of situations, what happens when we don’t like what is certain?
We may not like it when a new neighbour moves in across the street; or when we complain that a political party, not to our liking, is now in power.
The reality is that both situations are established, just as the man’s son has decided not to attend college. In any such situation, as Carlson says, “...being aware of the difference between what we can control and what we can’t control is critical for day-to-day happiness .... Once we understand what we can’t do, we can then make the most important decisions about what we will do.”
In the case of the father’s unhappiness about his son’s decision not to attend college, Carlson suggests the father could work with his son to insure that he doesn’t regret his decision, but instead has a fine future.
As Carlson concludes, “(Most of us) fight reality a great deal of the time. But if you can make that slight change in your awareness, you will save yourself a great deal of agony and empower yourself and your decisions like never before.” May it be so for us! Harvie Barker is a Penticton resident and writer of inspirational messages. He’s the author of the book, A Good Word in Season Volume 8, now available at the front desk of The Penticton Herald for $10 with all proceeds to local charity.