Dejected after girlfriend cheated with his best friend

DEAR ELLIE: I was deeply in love with a nice girl and introduced her to my best friend. Unknown to me, she was carried away by my pal.

She started acting coldly to me and they started dating behind my back. I learned this later from her friends.

Her explanation to me was, “It’s love, and you won’t understand it.” Since then, I don’t feel like I’m a man enough. — Heartbroken

ANSWER: You’ve been badly treated by your friend and the girl/woman you loved.

This has nothing to do with your manhood. Someone who’d secretly date his best friend’s girlfriend is the onenot acting like a man.

The manly and decent thing to do is for a friend to confess he has feelings for this woman but will suppress them if you and she have made a commitment. Or, he’ll back away entirely from her even if she’s free. He acted sneakily instead. Your thengirlfriend also behaved without respect for you or herself.

She should’ve told you that she didn’t love you and ended whatever relationship you had together.

Then, after a period of being single to not hurt you, she could’ve started dating him, though he should’ve asked your permission first.

None of this is your fault, so stop demeaning yourself as a man.

Move on when you can, and date others when you’re ready.

FEEDBACK Regarding the boyfriend who signs himself, “Damaged Trust and Respect” (Oct. 18):

Reader: “He snooped on her phone. He betrayed trust.

“Why would he just assume they were “exclusive” before it was discussed?

“He calls her “unworthy” — disturbing language.

If you’re not mature enough to have respectful communication to determine your dating status, I don’t think you’re ready for a relationship. He’s not.”

Reader # 2: “The couple hadn’t discussed exclusivity during the time she was seeing someone else. “He doesn’t respect her, and resents her choice in partner when they were not exclusive, which was none of his business then.

“She now feels remorseful but he’s not seeing how he erred, by making an assumption without opening discussion.

“He needs to let her go so she can find someone who’ll be honest and upfront about their wants and needs in a relationship.

“He isn’t capable of treating her respectfully after this.”

Ellie’s tip of the day “Manly” men are decent and honest in relationships.

Ellie Tesher was born in Toronto and has been working as a journalist for 25 years. She studied sociology at the University of Toronto before landing her first job at Children’s Aid as a case worker with foster children.