Fiancee won’t cut cord
DEAR ELLIE: My fiance and I are soon getting married in a tropical location, without friends or family present.
This is our decision — to make it about us and not have all the stress that comes with the “big wedding.” We’re an older couple, both previously had traditional marriage events.
My fiance wants to conduct business while on our honeymoon. He’s in the financial planning and insurance business.
Also, he plans on making/accepting phone calls to/from “daddy’s girl” while on our honeymoon.
I’m frustrated that he’s unable to separate himself from his adult children for a week! Am I unreasonable?
ANSWER: You’re somewhat unreasonable about his daughter front, plus starting off on a negative footing by referring to her (even if just in your own mind) as “daddy’s girl.”
With non-traditional weddings now common, it’s equally common that adult children attend their parents’ second weddings.
Your choice otherwise is fine, but it’s unreasonable that he shouldn’t be able to have a chat with his daughter that week.
The more inclusive, positive way to handle this is to suggest that, after the ceremony, you both speak to all adult children, and receive congratulations. I strongly suggest that you speak to his daughter, too.
If you raise this approach, it’s then logical to say that, given you’re away only one week, you’d prefer if you both limited family calls to just that one (barring emergencies).
As for his work calls, he’s in a business when he could be occupied for hours daily, talking to clients.
Gently suggest that he make only essential contacts, and give time to exploring your tropical destination, relaxing together, and appreciating the luxury of a brief respite from stress.
Regarding the fiance who avoids his partner’s daughter (October 2):
Reader: “My friend has been in the same situation, with an adult daughter. The new husband never seemed to be able to have a “proper” relationship with her.
“But otherwise she couldn’t have wished to have a better father. He did whatever - and more — than he could for her benefit. Her own father wasn’t in the picture.
“Eventually, we all realized he’s like that with many people, if he hasn’t known them for a very long time (other than his ‘new’ wife).”