Things not to do in the business world

Dear Editor:

Presenting a well-written letter of recommendation signed by your mother will not favourably endorse your resume.

Looking your boss’s wife in the eye and telling her that she looks attractive will either get you promoted or fired, depending on her age.

Asking someone if they have “false teeth” will not normally allow you even a modicum of latitude.

Telling your doctor that you keep having nightmares about them will not foster a good doctor/patient relationship.

Expecting the editor of your local newspaper to send you a get well card is wishful thinking.

Telling the village gossip in the office to keep it a secret is akin to posting it on the office billboard or Snapchat.

Passing gas from a multi-boiled egg breakfast in the elevator full of office colleagues will only be tempting fate as to the culprit.

Asking for a raise when the company you work for has had its worst quarter, thanks to you, is not a good idea.

Calling in sick on vacation shows a severe misunderstanding of your job description.

Yawning constantly when your boss is seriously trying to make a point is not considered job endearment.

Standing at the clock-out machine with your time card in your hand will not suggest employee long-time loyalty.

Having a sordid affair with the janitor will garner little attention if you are the office cleaner.

And finally... never tell the boss that his badly bony head looks rather elegant, then fall to the floor in raptures.

Don Smithyman

Oliver