Don’t let the passing of a loved one go unmarked

Last weekend I conducted a celebration of life service for a member of our church who passed away 12 months ago.

She had bravely fought cancer with faith and profound dignity. It was a challenging journey for the family as COVID’s restrictions thwarted regular access and hindered the opportunity to plan a funeral that would honour her beautiful life.

Simply impossible because of the health orders. She had children, grandchildren who adored her dearly, siblings who wanted to remember her, and the wider community where she volunteered for 17 years at a local charity.

Many have acknowledged that one of the cruellest aspects of the pandemic was those who had lost loved ones and were powerless to hold a funeral that would reflect the person’s wider community.

Some have asked me whether it is worth it to hold a celebration service of someone’s life after 12, 18 or 24 months have passed. The answer is a resounding yes; we must not let the past two years rob us of the opportunity to connect with friends and family, grieve, and remember those we love.

I did ponder how this funeral would feel without a wooden casket, no black hearse or undertakers and no slow drive to the cemetery. I can testify that it was extremely moving and significant to the many who attended. I want to encourage you not to let the passing of a loved one go unmarked. There is so much restorative healing in creating space to say goodbye to those that have died.

Isn’t it strange to organize a gathering like this, and how would one even go about it? Let me explain how to create a celebration of life.

All you need is a location; it can be a church, local hall, backyard, or an assembly of friends in a quiet spot in a park. You will find that our local churches and places of worship will gladly assist you.

What components of a gathering like this should be? Begin with a warm welcome, then read scripture, prayer, or a poem. A eulogy is important to include, and because time has passed, you will find the eulogy has different aspects, people feel at liberty to tell more stories, and more people can share.

A slide presentation is very popular; images communicate in a way words fail to, as you observe a life well lived unfold in digital pictures. Often words of encouragement by the pastor or host are included, interjected with songs, whether you sing together or listen to the person's favourite songs.

Weave it together that best reflects the life of the person. There are no rules, but what is represented is a beautiful tapestry of life.

Then at the end, say goodbye. We said goodbye last Saturday, and I’ve carried a thankful heart all week.

It is good to remember, together.