Grandma wants to help granddaughter to not be overlooked
QUESTION: One of my granddaughters is a topnotch basketball player; she even goes to a special school that allows her time to train with a coach. She practices seven days a week, and is often away on training programs, for tournaments and special events. Her mother, my daughter-in-law, has had to take a leave of absence from her work because of how much time she needs to be out of town with her daughter.
My son, the girl’s father, loves that his daughter is an athlete and is happy to pay for everything that she needs, including travel and her special private school.
And my granddaughter is grateful for all that she’s given. She’s a hard worker, very smart, does extremely well academically and is an all-around lovely child.
The only person suffering here is her little sister, and
I’m worried about her. She’s totally nonathletic, kind of clumsy, and slightly overweight. She’s a quiet child, bookish and very good at art.
But I think she gets lost in the hustle and bustle of her sister’s comings and goings.
She’s loved by all, that’s not an issue, I just think she gets overlooked. How can I help? I certainly don’t want to overstep.
– Loving Grandma
ANSWER: You’re very thoughtful to notice that your younger granddaughter is getting lost in the shuffle. However, you can bet her parents won’t hear that as thoughtful. Rather, they’ll hear it as judgmental, and if there is any truth to it, they’ll become defensive. So, tread carefully.
What can you do? Find an after school or weekend art class that you think your granddaughter would enjoy and offer to take her there on a weekly basis. If possible, offer to pick her up from school one day a week and do something fun with her. These days it takes a village for a family to run smoothly.
According to Stats Canada, 70 per cent of families are dual income. So, getting kids to and from school, activities, and any other extracurriculars takes planning and helpful friends and relatives.
Your extra efforts with your granddaughter will be helpful, won’t go unnoticed, but are also not out of the ordinary.
QUESTION: My twin sister and I are in our last year at the same university. We are identical in appearance, but very different in so many ways. I am very sporty, she’s more sedentary. I have lots of friends; she has a few besties. We have different majors, but we are both soon graduating with honours and heading off to start our professional lives.
I found a job in a big city near our hometown, in hopes of meeting new people, branching out, and having an experience. I told my sister all about it. Now she’s told me that she also found a job – in a completely different industry – in the same city. On the one hand, I’m happy for her. But on the other, I’m annoyed that she’s following me.
Couldn’t she have gone somewhere else?
– Twinned Out
ANSWER: Yes, she could have gone somewhere else. But she chose to be near you. You may feel that you need a break, but she clearly feels the need to be close. Being in the same city doesn’t mean you have to live together, or even see each other regularly.
Show your sister some love, support and generosity of spirit. You’re clearly more independent than she, and you sound stronger. Give her some of your strength by being there for her when she needs you.
According to Psychology Today, twins share a primary attachment that is irreplaceable. For many twins, comfort can be found in physical proximity. Your sister needs you to feel safe and secure. Give that to her.
READER’S COMMENTARY: You throw around the therapist idea too freely. Not everyone can afford that. How do you think you make people feel who can’t afford it but need it when you say, essentially: “Just talk to a therapist and your problems will magically disappear.”
It doesn’t always work like that. I’m lucky enough to be able to afford therapy and it hasn’t done squat over the years. It’s a total waste of money most people don’t even have.î
LISI: I’m sorry you haven’t found the right therapist to help you with your issues. Finding a good match can be tricky. And it’s not meant to magically fix you.
But not all therapy is expensive. Depending on where you live, some is covered by insurance, some can be found free online, some can be subsidized or even free through community programs. Do your research and don’t give up.
LONDON — Kate, Princess of Wales, apologized Monday for “confusion” caused by her editing of a family photo released by the palace – an image of Kate and her children that was intended to calm concern and speculation about the British royal’s health, but had the opposite effect.
Several news agencies that initially published the photo, including The Associated Press, withdrew the image over concerns about digital manipulation. Issued by the couple’s Kensington Palace office on Sunday to mark Mother’s Day in Britain, it was the first official photo of Kate since she had abdominal surgery nearly two months ago.
The retractions sent the online rumour mill, already rampant with speculation over Kate’s operation and recuperation, into overdrive.
In a post on social media, Kate said that “like many amateur photographers, I do occasionally experiment with editing.”
“I wanted to express my apologies for any confusion the family photograph we shared yesterday caused,” the post said.
In the past, the palace has issued several of Kate’s family snapshots featuring her and Prince William with their children Prince George, 10; Princess Charlotte, 8; and Prince Louis, 5.
The latest photo was taken by William, Kensington Palace said. In an accompanying message posted on social media, Kate said: “Thank you for your kind wishes and continued support over the last two months. Wishing everyone a Happy Mother’s Day.”
While there was no suggestion the photo was fake, AP retracted it because closer inspection revealed the source had manipulated the image in a way that did not meet AP’s photo standards. For instance, the image shows an inconsistency in the alignment of Princess Charlotte’s left hand.
Other major news agencies, including Getty, Reuters and AFP, did the same on Sunday.
Shortly before Kate’s statement was issued on Monday, Britain’s national news agency said it was following suit. PA said it had asked Kensington Palace for clarification about the image and “in the absence of that clarification, we are killing the image from our picture service.”
Kensington Palace said it would not release the original unedited photograph. And while Kate’s statement provided a measure of clarification, it looked unlikely to stop the swirl of rumor that has accelerated during her absence from public duties.
Former BBC royal correspondent Peter Hunt said the mishandled photo release “is damaging for the royals.”
“They knew there would be intense interest in any picture they released of Kate,” he wrote on X, formerly known as Twitter.
“Their challenge is that people will now question whether they can be trusted and believed when they next issue a health update.”
The royal family is under particular scrutiny because King Charles III has also had to cancel public duties while he undergoes treatment for an unspecified form of cancer. The monarch has canceled all his public engagements, though he has been photographed walking to church and meeting privately with government officials and dignitaries.
Charles’ relative openness about his diagnosis was a departure for the generally secretive royal family. But it has been eclipsed in popular interest by curiosity over Kate’s condition. In the absence of firm information, conspiracy theories have rushed to fill the vacuum.
The release of the photo followed weeks of gossip on social media about what had happened to Kate since she left a hospital Jan. 29 after a nearly two-week stay following planned surgery. She hadn’t been seen publicly since Christmas Day.
Kate, 42, underwent surgery Jan. 16 and her condition and the reason for the operation have not been revealed, though Kensington Palace said it was not cancer-related.
Although the palace initially said that it would only provide significant updates and that she would not return to royal duties before Easter – March 31 this year – it followed up with a statement last month by saying she was doing well and reiterating its previous statement.
“Kensington Palace made it clear in January the timelines of the princess’ recovery and we’d only be providing significant updates,” the palace said Feb. 29. “That guidance stands.”
At the time, royal aides told The Sun newspaper: “We’ve seen the madness of social media and that is not going to change our strategy. There has been much on social media but the princess has a right to privacy and asks the public to respect that.”
Further questions were raised last week when the British military seemed to jump the gun in announcing Kate would attend a Trooping the Color ceremony in June, apparently without consulting palace officials.
It’s up to palace officials, not government departments, to announce the royals’ attendance at events. Kensington Palace didn’t confirm any scheduled public events for Kate, and the army later removed reference to her attendance.
Veteran public relations consultant Mark Borkowski said the photo gaffe exposed a wider PR problem for the monarchy.
“There doesn’t seem to be that much joined-up strategic thinking at the heart of the royal family at the moment, which leads to these problems where it’s a very difficult organization to manage in terms of PR,” he said.