How To End Up With The One

Before Maria in Vancouver ended up with “The One,” her left index finger had calluses from swiping left or right on Tinder! Prior to dating in 2017, Maria, who is a single mom, didn’t date for over 17 years. She was primarily focused on raising her one and only child in Vancouver. When her only son turned 19 in 2017, he suggested that Maria should go out and meet people — specifically, men. Not only did Maria follow her son’s advice, but she also went on a dating spree akin to someone who was let loose at either Harrods or Rue du Faubourg Saint-Honoré! Très exciting!

In a span of one year (in 2017), she went out on 12 first dates with 12 different men. Just to be clear (and hopefully it doesn’t sound defensive), Maria was never intimate with any of these men, except for two. The first date was with a retired 65-yearold businessman devout Christian who owned his own home in North Vancouver and whom we should identify as “Bruce Almighty.” You might be tempted to ask why it didn’t go past the first date. Well, instead of saying “cheers” during a toast over a Chardonnay, Bruce Almighty said, “Amen!” That was enough to spook Maria and she ghosted him right after the first date. He was too religious for Maria’s own liking. Maria is Mary Magdalene 2.0 if you care to ask!

Maria’s second date was with a Wealth Management CEO who had a pet pig and was so devoted to his pig that he never ate pork. Well, guess what? On their first date, Maria ordered pork BBQ ribs. That was the first and last time Maria ever saw him! Maria’s third date was with a CEO of a tech company who invited her for a game of golf for their first date. Maria has never played golf. However, she wanted so desperately to impress him hence she pretended that she knew how to play golf — until she hit him behind his bum, his shoulders (nearly missing his head which could have been fatal!), and his calves. Ouch. Poor guy didn’t quite know what hit him (pardon the pun)! Oh, and instead of wearing proper golf shoes, Maria wore the classic black flat Ferragamo ballet shoes! In this case, it was Maria’s turn to get ghosted!

Maria’s fourth date was with a gentleman whom we should identify as “Mr. Pearly White” due to his perfect teeth. On their first dinner date, they both ordered ribs and in the middle of dinner, Mr. Pearly White took a bite of his ribs, and voila — his six front teeth all dropped on his plate. Maria didn’t know where to look; she looked up at the ceiling. Then, she looked at her feet. She looked sideways. Everywhere except at Mr. Pearly White who scrambled to pick up his veneers off the plate. He looked at Maria and smiled helplessly. Suddenly, Mr. Pearly White looked more like Jaws, the James Bond 007 villain. Maria ran towards the exit sign and blocked him for good! Maria simply can’t imagine kissing him. Ever.

Maria’s fifth date was with a police officer whom we will identify as Sgt. H20. He rightfully earned this term of endearment because he only ordered water each time he took Maria for a date. On their third date, he took Maria on a 2.5-hour hike up Grouse Mountain. When they reached the top of Grouse Mountain, Maria was so hungry but Sgt. H20 only bought two bottles of water! Maria’s growling stomach could no longer take it. At the restaurant on the top of Grouse Mountain, Maria told him that she’d take care of their lunch. Upon hearing Maria’s offer to pay for lunch, Sgt. H2O immediately ordered appetizers and a main course. He even ordered a bottle of wine to go with their lunch! That was the last time Maria went out with Sgt. H2O — after all, there’s only so much water you can drink, even for a heavy water drinker like Maria! Ladies, don’t go with someone who is too stingy, he won’t even treat you to a decent lunch! That’s not only a red flag, it’s a bad omen!

Maria’s sixth date was with one of Vancouver’s eligible rich bachelors, whom we will identify as “Mr. Rich Bachelor.” They immediately clicked. There were huge sparks everywhere! Major fireworks. Unfortunately for Maria, she ended up with stomach flu during their first date. When he took Maria to his penthouse, Maria went straight to the bathroom. Maria flushed the toilet and the water overflowed all over the marble flooring! Maria gasped, “Holy sh*t!” And there were lots of it all over the bathroom floor! Mr. Rich Bachelor ended up calling a plumber and a flood restoration company at midnight! Needless to say, there was no second date for Maria and Mr. Rich Bachelor. Talk about a major turnoff! That night, Maria confirmed that sh*t does really happen in real life! Maria never heard from him again. He couldn’t accept the fact that Maria is human made of flesh and bones and can occasionally succumb to diarrhea!

Maria’s seventh date was with a 69-year-old retiree whom we should identify as Mr. Hart. After their first dinner date, Mr. Hart drove Maria around Stanley Park for a romantic ride. Mr. Hart parked the car and leaned over to give Maria a kiss. Suddenly, Mr. Hart gasped for air and he couldn’t breathe! He told Maria, “Please call 911!” Maria did what she was told. Soon, an ambulance came to the parking lot and was attending to Mr. Hart — on a stretcher — inside the ambulance. The ambulance nurse asked Mr. Hart if he had taken any Viagra, to which Mr. Hart said yes. That’s all Maria needed to hear. She was shell-shocked! Maria made sure that Mr. Hart was okay before she left him for good. As she was leaving, the ambulance nurse joked, “Well at least you know the impact you have on men; you certainly know how to set their pulse racing!” Maria failed to see the humour in it.

Maria’s eighth date was with a 40-year-old CEO of another tech company. The only problem with this guy was that during their three dates, he brought along his mom all throughout the first three dates! It was totally outlandish! Maria decided to cut all communications after their three dates with his mom as their chaperone! Maria shuddered at the thought of making out with this guy and with his mother watching over his shoulder! Maria ended up ghosting him! Maria’s ninth date was with a 56-year-old businessman who travelled a lot for a living. On their first date at a fine dining restaurant, they ended up ordering a lot of food and a lot of drinks. Maria offered to pay for at least half of the dinner and drinks, but the gentleman refused and ended up paying for the whole thing. Needless to say, that was the last time Maria saw the businessman.

Maria’s tenth date was definitely one for the books. Maria dated a 68-year-old EVP of a mining company. During the dinner, the EVP casually mentioned to Maria, “Let’s get out of here, I’d like you to pee all over me.” Maria nearly fell off her chair but she remained composed. Maria excused herself to the ladies’ room and she ran towards the exit door and totally blocked this weird EVP!

Maria’s eleventh date was with a 63-year-old corporate lawyer whom we will identify as “Mr. B.” Maria actually ended up dating Mr. B from the summer of 2017 to the summer of 2018. Maria fell for Mr. B but he was commitment-phobic. Even after a year of dating, he refused to take down his dating profiles. Also, Maria noticed that it was always her who paid for their dinner dates. The final straw was when Mr. B went on a vacation to a South American country with a male buddy. When Mr. B returned to Vancouver, Maria accidentally saw photos of Mr. B with women in compromising positions. Maria ghosted Mr. B. and blocked him from her phone for good. Ladies, even when there’s chemistry between you, don’t ever overlook the red flags such as the ones Maria ignored with Mr. B. You must not forget to use your coconuts — always remember: mind over body! Okay, next.

Maria’s last and twelfth date was with a man who was known as “Ironman.” They were introduced to each other by a mutual friend. It was the first normal date Maria had since she dipped her toes in the dating scene. Ironman was by far the most natural and genuine man she has dated since she decided to start dating. Maria and Ironman

dated for four months before becoming intimate and before they committed to each other.

What was different with Ironman? What qualities did Ironman have that made him stand out from the others? What made Maria settle for Ironman?

Here are the reasons why Maria chose Ironman above the rest:

1. For starters, Maria felt so comfortable with Ironman.

She didn’t feel like she had to pretend about anything. She felt free to be her authentic self with Ironman. Maria felt so comfortable around Ironman. She can wake up next to him without being scared of being seen with no makeup or she can fall asleep next to him without being scared of snoring. That means a lot to Maria!

2. Ironman says and does the right things but not according to the rest of the world – instead, according to how Maria wants to be loved and vice versa.

Maria says and does the same right things that Ironman does.

3. They understand each other’s needs and are happy to take care of them.

It always takes two to understand each other’s needs. You have to learn to identify and accept each other’s needs and work together to take care of each other’s needs.

4. There’s mutual respect between the two of them.

Respect is everything when it comes to all kinds of relationships. Every relationship needs love and respect. Even when you fight and curse each other, at the end of each fight, when you’re able to recognize and still respect each other, that is one of the key ingredients of staying together.

5. They get along with each other’s families.

Family ties are so important. It might not be perfect but family is what you’re made of. It is extremely important that you get along or at least, genuinely like being around each other’s family. Your respective children must be important to both of you. And above all, a harmonious relationship is what you both agree on.

6. They are kind and thoughtful towards one another.

Sometimes, love is not enough to keep a couple going. Thoughtfulness and kindness help relationships.

7. They feel safe with each other.

8. They didn’t quit on each other.

No matter how many fights you have with each other, still, if you both don’t end up running for the hills, then, there’s a great chance that you both see huge potential in this relationship and that you both are determined not to give up on each other.

9. They wanted each other to be happy. There’s genuine peace and contentment.

Life is too short and they’re both mature enough to realise this for each other. They both want to live the rest of their lives devoid of drama and just want to make each other happy. They both work towards the same goal every day. They both didn’t sweat the small stuff and instead focused on making each other content and at peace because they both know that they both only have limited time on earth.

10. There’s lots of give and take.

They know how to compromise with each other. Give and take is an important factor in any relationship. When you both make a conscious effort on mutual concessions, it shows that you’re both ready to share your life with each other.

When they took their relationship to the next level, Maria and Ironman felt that they’re neither ending up with someone above them nor beneath them. On the contrary, they felt they were each other’s equal and there’s a lot of balance in their relationship.

Based on Maria and Ironman’s story, we have now clearly identified what makes a man “The One.” Now, the next question is: how do you make sure you end up together?

11. They’re equal. 1. Make him work hard for you.

Maria didn’t sleep with Ironman until after four months of dating. Maria was not playing hard to get. She just wanted to be safe and genuine. She wanted to know if Ironman was the right one by finding out just how patient he can be with her. Maria wanted to know if they can be together, enjoying life together without being intimate.

Sex is highly important in a relationship but it is not everything in life.

It’s all about companionship and compatibility. Mind you, bear in mind, it’s not about how long you have to make him wait to get you into bed, it’s really all about when you’re comfortable to go to bed with him. It’s you who has the power to decide when and where. Remember this important thing and it’s not about sex, it’s about everything in a relationship:

If he doesn’t work for your relationship, chances are, he won’t value it.

Men love a challenge. There’s one thing a hero craves even more than a woman’s eternal enduring love: a challenge. Don’t deny “The One” the opportunity to prove himself to you.

2. Men always want to be your hero.

It’s something to do with their genetics. Men always love being Superman. Or Batman. Or Aquaman. Or Ironman. The point is they always want to feel you need them to rescue you or take care of you. Let them and allow them.

space for a man in her life.

3. When you are truly into him, the guy knows and feels this and the feeling will be mutual too. Take pleasure in his company. Enjoy him to the fullest.

Enjoy the time you have with him. You need to ask yourself these questions: Am I genuinely happy spending time with him? Does he really make me feel happy? Do we really enjoy each other’s company? Do we make each other laugh? I can’t stress enough how short life is and the most important thing in this world is to be happy with the life you live and with whom.

There you go ladies, three simple steps on how to end up with The One. If a hopeless case like Maria did it, then, you can also do it. Just have faith in love. In true love. You will know it’s The One because he or she will fit into your life like a proper shoe fits or like a glove. And you know what? Real love comes into your life in the most unexpected way and at the most unexpected time.

Real love is so organic, it just flows naturally into your life.

Remember this. ■

Matte Laurel-Zalko is a former restaurateur and hotelier, a mother, a wife, a health and wellness aficionado, food and wine enthusiast, a dog-lover, and lifestyle columnist exclusively for Philippine Canadian Inquirer (PCI).