As Kids See It

Reader's Digest (Canada) - - Profile -

MANY YEARS AGO, I had dropped my el­dest daugh­ter off at kinder­garten. I de­cided to stop for a Tim Hor­tons cof­fee on the way home. As we ap­proached the drive-through line, I re­marked that we were in for a long wait. My three-year-old piped up from the back seat: “Is Tim Hor­ton not home?”


WHY DO KIDS CRY when you brush their teeth, but they can’t feel food on their face?

Co­me­dian JIM GAF­FI­GAN

THE BEST PART OF work­ing from home is hav­ing your five-year-old run in while you’re on a con­fer­ence call and cry, “I ac­ci­den­tally peed in the wrong place!”


MY FOUR-YEAR-OLD GRAND­SON, Michael, was taken to the ER af­ter a fall that re­sulted in a cut lip. He ended up need­ing stitches. Fol­low­ing the pro­ce­dure, the doc­tor led Michael over to a mir­ror, hop­ing to re­as­sure him that all was now okay. Upon see­ing his swollen, stitched

face, Michael ex­claimed, “You should have let my grandma do it. She sews bet­ter than you!”

MAR­GARET AV­ENUE, Kitch­ener, Ont.

GIVE MY SON A lacrosse stick and he’ll dom­i­nate. Give him a broom and ask him to sweep and he’ll act like he’s never held any­thing ever.


THE SAME KID who claimed she needs a fid­get spin­ner be­cause she “can’t fo­cus” just spent eight min­utes pick­ing every sesame seed off her bagel.


MY TWO-YEAR-OLD called the ve­hi­cle for sick peo­ple a “wee-woo truck,” and now I don’t even re­mem­ber what the right name is any­more.


MY DAUGH­TER GETS SO pumped watch­ing Dis­ney films. She loves that they all have singing, danc­ing and a part when the par­ents die.


FIVE-YEAR-OLD: I’m not go­ing to have a job.

ME: Where are you go­ing to get money?



WE HAD JUST CEL­E­BRATED Hal­loween. My hus­band nabbed some of the choco­late out of our sev­enyear-old’s bag and was snack­ing on it. Our daugh­ter, quick as a whip, no­ticed her fa­ther had some­thing in his mouth. Re­al­iz­ing his fin­gers were cov­ered in choco­late, she ex­claimed, “Daddy, I caught you left-handed!”

KARLA HE­WITT, Burlington, Ont.

I KEPT MY LAST NAME when I got mar­ried. When my daugh­ter was in Grade 2, her teacher got hitched and took her part­ner’s sur­name. Soon af­ter, my daugh­ter and I had a con­ver­sa­tion about the cus­tom. I asked her if she thought she’d change her name if she ever got mar­ried. She replied, mat­ter-of­factly, “Well, that de­pends on what my adult brain thinks about it, doesn’t it?”


Are the chil­dren you know se­ri­ously funny? Tell us about them! A story could earn you $50. For de­tails on how to sub­mit an anec­dote, see page 11 or visit

“You al­ways seem a lot taller when I’m in trou­ble.”

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