As Kids See It
MANY YEARS AGO, I had dropped my eldest daughter off at kindergarten. I decided to stop for a Tim Hortons coffee on the way home. As we approached the drive-through line, I remarked that we were in for a long wait. My three-year-old piped up from the back seat: “Is Tim Horton not home?”
JENNIFER GOODNOUGH, Edmonton
WHY DO KIDS CRY when you brush their teeth, but they can’t feel food on their face?
Comedian JIM GAFFIGAN
THE BEST PART OF working from home is having your five-year-old run in while you’re on a conference call and cry, “I accidentally peed in the wrong place!”
MY FOUR-YEAR-OLD GRANDSON, Michael, was taken to the ER after a fall that resulted in a cut lip. He ended up needing stitches. Following the procedure, the doctor led Michael over to a mirror, hoping to reassure him that all was now okay. Upon seeing his swollen, stitched
face, Michael exclaimed, “You should have let my grandma do it. She sews better than you!”
MARGARET AVENUE, Kitchener, Ont.
GIVE MY SON A lacrosse stick and he’ll dominate. Give him a broom and ask him to sweep and he’ll act like he’s never held anything ever.
THE SAME KID who claimed she needs a fidget spinner because she “can’t focus” just spent eight minutes picking every sesame seed off her bagel.
MY TWO-YEAR-OLD called the vehicle for sick people a “wee-woo truck,” and now I don’t even remember what the right name is anymore.
MY DAUGHTER GETS SO pumped watching Disney films. She loves that they all have singing, dancing and a part when the parents die.
Actor RYAN REYNOLDS
FIVE-YEAR-OLD: I’m not going to have a job.
ME: Where are you going to get money?
FIVE-YEAR-OLD: The ATM.
WE HAD JUST CELEBRATED Halloween. My husband nabbed some of the chocolate out of our sevenyear-old’s bag and was snacking on it. Our daughter, quick as a whip, noticed her father had something in his mouth. Realizing his fingers were covered in chocolate, she exclaimed, “Daddy, I caught you left-handed!”
KARLA HEWITT, Burlington, Ont.
I KEPT MY LAST NAME when I got married. When my daughter was in Grade 2, her teacher got hitched and took her partner’s surname. Soon after, my daughter and I had a conversation about the custom. I asked her if she thought she’d change her name if she ever got married. She replied, matter-offactly, “Well, that depends on what my adult brain thinks about it, doesn’t it?”
Are the children you know seriously funny? Tell us about them! A story could earn you $50. For details on how to submit an anecdote, see page 11 or visit rd.ca/joke.
“You always seem a lot taller when I’m in trouble.”